Two Truths are possible.

I’m not sure what I was dreaming about last night, but when I woke up, my mind was caught up in that last day of court. The one where things didn’t go so well, and I knew that all of the country would know it. I was so distraught that the detectives called me later that evening to make sure I was ok. They were right to call. I was staring at a packet of pills.

It’s not often that I think about that day anymore. Since we won the case, that day has faded. With writing my book, it eased a little more. I got a little anxious around the high court appeal, but since Robert was told he’d had to finish out his sentence, I’ve been pretty damn happy.

I enjoy doing work campaigning for other victim’s rights. I enjoy messaging with people and answering their questions about the process of going to court, and the barrage of emotions they can expect. I like that I can switch off when I need to take a rest day from it all. Basically, I’ve been pretty great the last couple of years.

Then this week, we’ve seen the whole Kavanaugh/Ford saga play out. Living in the US, it’s pretty hard NOT to see what’s going on. I actually watched the proceedings live, because I wanted to be able to watch it myself, and make my own opinion on the matter, and not just listen to all the political propaganda and the bickering back and forth between my friends on FaceBook.

Let’s face it. This has truly divided the nation. When I first moved to the US, Democrats and Republicans were on opposite sides of the fence, but they still met in the middle for a BBQ. These days, there’s no friendly fun. They’re too busy throwing grenades over those fences.

I’m a centrist. I think both parties have good and bad. I think both make good points and terrible points. I don’t vote party lines, and I don’t swallow what one side says as gospel. I enjoy sitting right in the middle and looking critically at BOTH sides, and making up my own mind on an issue. I even enjoy playing devils advocate on many posts, asking people questions about why they think things, or ask them to look at things from the other side.

I think even if you do lean towards one party, it’s critical to still look at an issue and actually think about it. Just blindly following something because your friends do, or because the media tells you that’s the way it is doesn’t seem smart to me. The media used to tell us the news, and they also had an opinion column. These days, every journalists has an opinion, and wants to share it. I think it’s important to watch both CNN and Fox News, so you can see BOTH sides, and then know the truth is probably somewhere in between.

This brings me back to the SCOTUS hearing.

Image result for ford vs kavanaugh hearing

The Supreme Court Justice job is for life. One appointed, it’s a forever thing. Now, once on the Supreme Court bench, a judge is supposed to be impartial. They’re not supposed to lean Republican or Democrat, but people’s upbringing will shape them, and they’ll lean more conservative or liberal. Democrats are terrified that we’ll get in a judge who get’s rid of Roe v Wade, and I’m not sure what Republicans are scared of. Gay Marriage is already legal, and they haven’t made much of a fuss about anything else.

Trump selected a guy called Kavanaugh. Everyone hates Trump, and so it wasn’t a surprise that people were also going to hate his nomination. It’s also not a surprise that the Democrats were going to delay the nomination, hoping to hold off till after the election in November, hoping to get one of their own judges in there instead.

I honestly don’t understand why we need a Democrat or Republican judge when they’re supposed to be impartial, but whatevs.

I’m also not surprised someone in politics had some dodgy history. Let’s face it, most politicians are a little slimy, and we’ve all watched movies about privileged white kids in the 1980’s and know they’re not angels. They’re not all bad, but it’s shouldn’t be a surprise that high school kids got drunk and partied and took shit too far. If we’re honest, we’ve all got some skeletons in our closet that we probably didn’t write in our diary….

I am also not surprised that a woman was assaulted and didn’t report it at the time. I am not surprised by holes in a memory, or the ability to recall some things with laser focus and be total lost on other things. That’s how traumatic memories work. I am not surprised that other kids at a party that weren’t assaulted don’t remember the party. It was just another party to them. Your brain doesn’t hold on to insignificant events the same way it does for something like survival.

What I am surprised at, but probably shouldn’t be after my own dealings with the public, is the amount of hate being spewed at both sides. I had hoped that the #metoo movement might have taught both sides a few things, but it seems like it’s actually dividing people even more.

The Liberal side is screaming that they believe her. They don’t need proof, or witnesses, or to even hear her story. She said it, so it must be true.

The Republican side are saying she’s a liar. A crisis actor paid off by the Clintons. Her only job is to derail the SCOTUS nomination, and that the Libs don’t care if they destroy a man, as long as he doesn’t get the job.

Both sides are fighting back and forth, screaming at each other. All the people who associate with the party are fighting on Facebook and Twitter, telling people on the other side they’re horrible human beings, or they’re stupid, or wrong.

Meanwhile, I decided to just sit back and watch. I watched both sides attack each other. Then I watched both parties give their testimony at the hearing. I watched and listened.

I saw her tell her story. I saw both sides ask her questions. I saw them try to trip her up. I saw them try to rally behind her. I saw her try to answer questions while knowing the whole world was watching her, and I tried not to let my own memories of being questioned influence my judgement.

I watched him get in the chair. I saw his anger and emotion. I tried to think whether he was being hateful and defensive, or whether he was innocent and terrified and angry that he was being accused of something for a political agenda.

I watched as people on social media who had been victims assert she was either lying because she was too calm, or that they believed her because they had also been a victim.

I saw people claim he was too angry, and therefor was guilty. Others said he was angry because he was being falsely accused.

I watched as politicians on both sides claim that this wasn’t a court case, but then demanded both answer questions under oath. They’d say it was a job interview. Then say it was important testimony.

Image result for ford vs kavanaugh

The whole thing was a complete shitshow. It was an embarrassment to both sides.

My takeaway from the whole thing was that it’s possible to be telling the truth, and also be a political victim.

Ford wrote to her political party, expressing concern over the SCOTUS nomination. The Senator held onto that information, on purpose, for political gain. They leaked her name, against her wishes. They then put her in a position where she had to testify with the entire world watching. They have taken a past trauma, brought it back to the surface, and then treated it like a tequila shot and added salt and lemon to it. They have made sure that she will now NEVER be able to move past it. It will forever be written history next to her name. She will spend the rest of her life with people bringing it up. Fellow victims will want to share their stories, others will always accuse her of lying. She will never get any rest from it.

Kavanaugh will also forever be remembered for this. It doesn’t matter whether he is innocent or guilty. If he didn’t do it, he still won’t be able to hold the job, because there’s too much contention. If he’s guilty, there’s still so may who will protest his innocence. There are psychologists who have stated that many adolescent males go through a period where they try to assert their sexual dominance in their teens and then once they go to college sort themselves out and aren’t predators. Then there are guys who are born rapey and stay rapey. I’m not sure which one he is.

I think it’s important that we find out if Kavanaugh tried to rape Ford, and if he did, he needs to be punished. I don’t think that a job interview is the place to do it. I don’t think that a room full of opposing politicians should be the ones asking questions, and I don’t think it needs to be done on live TV while the whole world is watching.

If I wake up remembering my worst day in court because of this, and reading about the millions of other women who have been triggered by watching this, I can only imagine the things that are going through the minds of the pair that are currently engaged in this battle. My heart goes out to both of them. Yes, I said BOTH of them. I feel for their spouses, their children, their friends.

Both parties have been used as political pawns.

If he is innocent, he has had his career and reputation ruined because the Democrats wanted to publicly destroy the Republican party. They could have done something about this weeks ago before he even got this far, and he could have been taken aside and charged by Maryland police. It would still have made news, and he wouldn’t have gotten the job, but it wouldn’t have been as spectacular for the Dems.

If she is telling the truth, she might eventually get her attacker charged, but at what cost? She has been used as a political tool. Instead of being empathetically listened to, and kept confidential like she asked, they decided to make her the face of this whole spectacle. They don’t care that she is getting death threats. They don’t care that she’ll have to move, or might not be able to continue her career. They don’t care that they made her publicly relive her worst memories. They pretend to care, but they’re too happy pushing her out there, too joyful in their act at bringing down the opposition. My heart aches for her. Millions of arm chair experts are picking her apart, trying to tie her to conspiracy theories, assessing whether she’s too emotional, not emotional enough, how much money she’s getting, who is paying her bills, and all the other bullshit.

Politicians need to get their shit together. They need to come together and work out what they have in common, instead of what divides them. They need to go back to having a BBQ in the middle. Regular civilians need to go back to being civil. We need to remember that we’re all friends and relatives, and we can have different beliefs and not be enemies. We need to go back to being able to debate and have civil discussions, and how to talk to each other, and how to listen to each other, not just put our fingers in our ears while yelling at the other side.

People need to learn how to take their bias cap off and watch something from an impartial standpoint. Learn how to put themselves in another person’s shoes, and see things from another point of view. People are so in need of being right, they don’t care if they’re wrong. They don’t care if they alienate people. They just want to live in their own bubble of confirmation bias.

It’s good to step out and engage with the enemy. You might find they’re not so bad. You might even find you make friends, and you no longer have to throw grenades over the fence.

The politicians will stop pandering to the extremes when people stop being out there. If the party is in the middle of the street, they’ll have to find their way in there too. They’ll have to start treating their constituents with respect, and not use them as political tools.

So please, be nice to each other. Look at each other as humans, not as a political party. Remember that you won’t change anyone’s mind insulting them or yelling at them. Grab a beer, have a conversation, and don’t try to rape anyone.


New Twitter Accounts

Hey Everyone,

while I’m loving life here in sunny Palm Beach, and my amazing husband has allowed me to not work and just be one of those ladies who goes to pilates everyday, I’ve decided it’s time to get my other passions going again. You know, the stuff I was trying to work on before I was forced to put everything on hold for four years.

GDI’m going to slowly start diving again, and I’ll post up my adventures on my other site, Going Down. There’s a new twitter handle to go with that site, @GoingDownOnline So, if you’re into scuba stuff, or just wanna see me drowning, follow along there.

My other site, ShrimpTank, which was my old company is going to get re-done as a fashion blog. Not just any fashion, but about clothes for tiny people like me. Do you know how hard it is to find clothes when you’re 4’11” and have a DD bust? I’m going to keep my Shrimptank Twitter account for that. The site isn’t really going yet, but it’ll get there eventually. Hopefully one day my own clothes will be up on there!

allegedlySo that leaves this blog, which has really become the place where I rant about the entertainment industry, or about other stuff in general. So for my everyday, just Sarah stuff, I started a new @TheSarahMonahan twitter. I hate @TheWhoever accounts, but it was really hard finding a name I liked. Apparently there’s a LOT of Sarah Monahan’s out there.

So well done to the couple of people who noticed me starting new accounts. I wasn’t going to say anything yet, till I got some new content up on both sites, but also don’t want to worry anyone that people are impersonating me.

So, if you’re on Twitter, and you like the sound of any of the above topics, go follow my new accounts.

@TheSarahMonahan and @GoingDownOnline



Look Up

Look UP

I saw this video quite a while ago, and I just saw in again in my FB timeline.

The first time I saw it, it made an impact on me. I’m not as obsessed by my phone as a lot of people I know are, but I knew I looked at it too much. This made me realize even the small amount I used it was too much. So I stopped looking at it so much. The problem was, I became like the girl in the bus stop. I might not have my phone in my hand, but everyone else does….

These days, I try even harder to only pull my phone out to answer a call, or check it when it beeps. If the moment calls for it, I might use it to snap a shot. I don’t spend 20 minutes trying to get the perfect selfie, it’s a one, maybe two shot deal. If it takes longer than that, then it wasn’t worth taking. I have Instagram set up to push out to FB & Twitter, so I just upload it, and then put my phone away again.

Life has been much more enjoyable since I’ve given up staring at my phone. It is kind of lonely though, when you’re the only one who isn’t. So go ahead, watch the video. Let the message sink in. Use your screen to meet up with your friends in real life, and then put the phones down to just enjoy real life time together.


Monica Lewinsky Ted Talk

Monica Lewinsky: The Price of Shame

If you haven’t seen the Monica Lewinsky Ted Talk yet, watch it here.

Most people just think of Monica as that intern that sucked a president’s dick. You don’t think of her as a person. As a real life, living breathing person, with feelings. Here, she makes you realize that not only is she a person, but a little bit of what she went through.

It brought me to tears.

She is absolutely right in her speech. “Public shaming as a blood sport has to stop.” People are so busy vilifying people online, but they’re not attempting to find a useful solution to situations. Even as recently as last week, with the John Laws drama. People called for him to be sacked, people called for him to be cast aside, but nobody looked at the bigger issue. Yes, Laws is a dinosaur, but honestly, even as a victim, there are times when I have no idea what to say to people. I have people share with me their abuse ALL the time, but sometimes, it’s in a situation you don’t expect, and it can throw you off guard. When you’re not expecting it, sometimes words fail you. Which is why I suggested sensitivity training. It’s probably something that ALL journalists and media people should do, because you just never know what someone will share with them. If it’s going to be live on air, they need to be prepared for it.

I think what really struck me about her interview is that I know what she went through. Certainly not on the scale she did. But, when I first went public about what happened to me, it was insane how I was attacked online. I had emails, tweets and blog comments telling me all kinds of awful things. The media dissected me. Talk shows discussed whether I was telling the truth, or if it was all a ploy to sell a scuba show. I woke up one morning to a morning show with a screen cut in four, as a bunch of people discussed my abuse. (Or lack of)

Maybe it’s hard for people to have empathy until they’ve been in such a situation. I know that I’ve certainly changed my habits over the last 5 years. I like to think I was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, but now, I really feel for people who have been the object of a lynch mob in the new media.

I hope you never have to go through what some people do. You can help by thinking before you tweet, text, comment or youtube your opinion. Remember, the person you’re dealing with, is a real live person, with feelings, just like you.


The Miley Backlash

It’s the end of the world! No wait, it’s just Miley Twerking

OMG, you’d think the world had just exploded into some kind of world war, or there was a massive plague. The social media world has gone into overdrive, because a former child star dared to do something raunchy at the VMA’s.
Nobody seems able to deal with the fact that the little Hannah Montana star is trying to shake off her Disney princess roots and show the world that she’s a grown up.
Most people go through a stage where they shake off their little girl image, and try to show that they’re an adult now. She’s 20. It’s not like she’s a 17 year old dancing on a pole. Oh wait, she was a 17 year old dancing on a pole….. Have we already forgotten that massive controversy?
Do people get that she wasn’t in a flesh colored bikini to be provocative just for the hell of it? Has anyone seen the Blurred Lines video? She was dressed like the girls in the video. Well, at least she was dressed more like the ones in the free to air version. I’m guessing a lot of people haven’t seen the OTHER version of his filmclip. Careful, it’s NOT safe for work. You’ll also see that’s this is where the foam finger comes from.
People are also forgetting that this is the VMA’s. It’s known for being outrageous and provocative. Every year, they get people who are supposed to be scandalous and create headlines, hoping that people will watch again next year. Everyone involved who is feigning shock is also full of shit. It’s not like they just went up there and Miley went rogue. Somebody choreographed this, somebody made outfits. They had rehearsals. Not just for themselves, but for all the dancers, for lighting, sound, directors, cameras. Everybody involved knew exactly what was going to happen on that stage. Even Robin Thicke, who may be butt hurt because Miley got all the attention and not him. He can’t claim he didn’t know what was going to happen. Maybe he wasn’t expecting the reaction it got, but he certainly can’t BS and say he didn’t know what the act was going to be.
Meanwhile, how come nobody is all bent out of shape that Lady Gaga was wearing LESS than Miley? She was wearing a thong, and she didn’t even get dressed again afterwards. She took her chair back in the audience, wearing a thong and a couple shells on her boobs…. But I guess people expect Gaga to be provocative, so somehow that’s OK….
People, it’s the VMA’s. It’s supposed to be scandalous. Just in case you’ve all got short term memory loss, here’s a couple of the past “OMG I can’t believe they did that’s….”
Way back in the beginning, Madonna shocked dressed like a Bride and sang Like a Virgin.
Diana Ross feeling up Lil Kim
Britney stripping down to a flesh coloured 2 piece
Britney the following year, trying to be like Salma Hayek
Remember 2003 when everyone flipped out about Madonna and Britney kissing?
Remember how outraged everyone was over "Fat Britney?"
I still haven't worked out what the meat suit was about...
This was NOT a reaction to Miley
Also hilarious was this image of Will Smith and his kids acting all stunned by Miley. Turns out, it’s them chewing gum during Lady Gaga’s performance. But it’s more fun to manipulate the truth right?
And one more for all the haters. For those of you who think Miley has no talent and can’t sing, you’ve never seen this:
Actually, this is the only thing that does make me sad. She actually is extremely talented and a great singer. It’s sad that as a society we expect girls to behave slutty, and show off all their goods, then slut shame them when they do. We chastise people like Christina Aguilera, also an amazing singer, for daring to get chubby, when it shouldn’t matter what she looks like. She’s a singer, not a Victoria’s Secret model. Britney showed up “Fat” at the 2007 awards. Fat my arse, she was skinner then than most real women are on a good day, me included. It shouldn’t matter what she looks like. It’s sad that people expect the girls to get their kit off, to be super fit and toned, and act sexy. We don’t expect guys to be anything but a great voice. We expect women to be able to sing, dance, turn us on, but not go too far. Actually, it’s kinda like the Blurred Lines song. We want a Good Girl, but one we know that secretly wants it…. That’s why everyone freaked out when Madonna kissed Britney, and no-one cared she also kissed Christina. Britney was supposed to still be a good girl, but Christina was Durty. No shock value there.
Video really did kill the radio star.
Honestly, I think Anderson Cooper summed it up best in his RidicuList.
But if you don’t want to be all shocked at how low the industry is, don’t watch stupid award shows. It’s ridiculous how many award ceremonies there are for entertainers. These people are already being congratulated constantly for acting or singing, and it seems like every month there’s some kind of televised Yay Me! thing going on. I don’t think acting or singing should be a competition, but the amount of trophies overpaid people can snag is just insane. I choose not to watch ANY of the awards ceremonies. Yes, all you actors and singers are just amazeballs, making millions of dollars, traveling the world, finding cures for cancers and helping to create world peace. Oh wait, there’s other people that do that, and we don’t see them patting each other on the back at televised events. Oh well, maybe next year.

Can bad celebs be good again?

Can Lindsay ever be A list again?

Remember when Lindsay Lohan was the IT girl? Everyone thought she was the next big thing? She would have a long career, win awards and just have an all around awesome life?

Then, like most former child stars, she had a meltdown, and everyone turned on her. It’s not just Lindsay. Britney Spears, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Christina Aguilera, Drew Barrymore, Danny Bonaduce, Brad Renfro, Macauley Culkin, anyone from Diff’rent Strokes…. They all got built up, and then went through what all teenagers go through. They get rebellious. They experiment. They break the rules. But unlike normal teenagers, they’ve got a pack of paparazzi following them, documenting all of it. Which really, would only serve to make them even crazier.

Some of the lucky ones, like Drew Barrymore, made it out the other side. But that was before social media. People like Britney had her meltdown shown in real time, all over the world. No matter where someone goes now, there’s someone who can upload whatever they’re doing instantly, it can go viral within 24 hours, and even people in deepest darkest Africa can know what celeb just hit up a Starbucks on Hollywood Blvd.

With social media, blogging, FB, Twitter, the world has also gotten a lot more viscous. People are downright mean. A lot of people also seem like they’re hoping to see the stars fall.  Everybody fucks up. If someone was following you around constantly, documenting everything you said or did, we’d see that even you fuck up occasionally. I’m not perfect. I’ve said stupid things. I’ve done dumb things. I’ve said mean things about other people. But, I’m trying really hard to be a better person and be more empathetic. I’m trying to put myself in another persons shoes before I judge them.

I can’t imagine being Lindsay. Or any Hollywood celebrity these days. How does one try to fix it when they’ve got a bunch of people just waiting for them to fall again? How do you seek help, when you’ve got a problem, but you don’t want it splashed everywhere? How do you improve yourself, without looking like a tool? If someone enters rehab to take some me time, get it together, they’re blasted by the media as having a problem. How do you go to a retreat, heal yourself, without worrying that someone else there isn’t going to blab to TMZ about what you were doing there.

Right now, Lindsay is in so much debt, she’s got so many legal problems, it’s hard for her to work. But she HAS to work to pay off that debt. So her idiot parents make money off her any way they can, even if it means making her look bad. She doesn’t want to do reality TV, because she wants to be a respected actress. Nobody respects her as an actress anymore, because she is so stressed out that when she does work, she’s not great.

How can she take time off and heal herself, without people forgetting about her altogether. Hollywood is a fickle place. Disappear for too long, and people forget about you. People want to hire those that are in the media. If being followed by the paparazzi keeps you in the media, then some celebs are willing to make sure they’re getting their pic taken. It’s such a double edged sword.

You’ve got the problem with most kid actors that acting is all they know. They’ve lived a life of privilege. They go out and people know who they are. They’re used to having money. People say they should just disappear for a while. But where are they supposed to go? What are they supposed to do? They’ve got bills to pay like the rest of us. They can’t just sit at home and watch TV all day. They can’t just go get a job somewhere. Can you imagine if Lindsay decided to get a real job? What would she do? Party planner? Real Estate agent? Flipping burgers? So, she takes jobs where she can. Like Charlie is going to give her an episode on Anger Management. Of course, that episode will time nicely with Scary Movie 5. So it’s good for both of them. She can go on trips to Australia, and get paid to make appearances. – I wish I could get that gig! She gets offers to do shows like Dancing with the Stars, but turns it down. I really wish she would accept one of these offers. Sure, turn down reality stuff like Celebrity Rehab. However, DWTS could be good for someone like Lindsay. She’d get work. She could pay her bills. We’d get to see a different side of her. We’d get to see her doing something that doesn’t involve a court appearance. We’d get to know a little bit more of Lindsay each week. She’d get back into shape and could do more of her magazine shoots, paying more bills. Celebreality doesn’t always mean you’re washed up. Lots of people have used it to re-ignite a career after taking a break. Celebrities need sabbaticals too. At least singers can get a gig as a judge on one of the multitude of singing shows. They get paid huge amounts of money, it re-ignites their careers, helps sell albums, plus, we get to know them a little more. Britney stint as a judge helped her tremendously. Unfortunately, actors don’t get the same kind of opportunities to play judge, or even host.

I’ll be super interested to see how Lilo’s Aussie trip goes. I wish I was there so I could meet her. I’d take her to lunch, sit her down, and tell her that it’s all going to be OK. Even with all the shit going on, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a way for her to come out of this on top.

There’s a lot of child stars who went off the rails for a while, and made it out. Not all of them are famous anymore. Just because they’re not acting anymore doesn’t mean they’re losers either. Many have chosen to live regular lives, and are much happier for it. Then there’s Drew Barrymore. She went through hell, and now she’s a successful actress, producer, has a cosmetics line and is happily married with a kid.

I just hope that the public, and Hollywood is willing to help Lindsay become the next Barrymore.

And Lindsay, if you ever do need a break for a week or two from the craziness, I’ve got a ranch in Texas with a bunch of POSTED signs on it. You’re welcome to come anytime.


Pregnant and in the Public Eye

Who’d want to be famous and pregnant?

Remember when celebrities disappeared when they got pregnant? It was like they just dropped off the radar for a while. We didn’t see their kids until they were older either. Then, a few years ago there came some obsession with pregnant celebrities and now we have all of these stupid “baby bump watches” and we have paparazzi stalking people who have newborn infants trying to get the “first pic”. Can you imagine being a week old and and having dozens of flashes going off in your face? When did we get so invasive of people’s privacy that we now want to watch a celebrity give birth? We’ve got radio hosts calling hospitals to get news on Kate Middleton, who wasn’t even 12 weeks pregnant yet. People don’t like to announce a pregnancy before 12 weeks, just in case they have a miscarriage. However, we have every magazine declaring anyone who has eaten a burrito to be pregnant. What if a celeb is 8 weeks pregnant, and doesn’t want to announce it yet? It’s none of our business. Then what happens if she loses it. Or decides she isn’t going to keep it? How many actresses are forced into keeping a pregnancy because in this day and age they’d never be able to have it taken care of?

Today, Chrissie Swan went on radio and television to confess that she’s 5 months pregnant, and hasn’t been able to quit smoking. Now, I think that drinking or smoking while you’re pregnant is terrible. I don’t see why people can’t go without a drink for 9 months. In the grand scheme of things, it’s less than a year of your life to make sure that your kid gets off to a great start.

I hate smoking. I smoked when I was younger. I’m not going to hide it. I did it out of boredom, or to be cool, or something. I started in Honduras, where everyone did it. I gave it up for a while, then took it up again. I gave it up for good when I met Matt. He wouldn’t date someone who smoked, and I thought he was worth giving it up for. Turns out he was. 🙂 I hate places where people can still smoke cigarettes, and hate smokey bars. However, I have the occasional cigar, and I enjoy a glass of whiskey. We all have our vices….

I have had discussions with people who were pregnant, who continued to smoke, or drink. Going out to dinner with one of my best friends, she ordered a glass of wine when she was 8 months pregnant. Matt and I were asked her what the fuck she was doing. She said he doc told her it’s ok. We didn’t agree with her, and we told her we thought it was a bad idea. However, I would never, ever, tell her she was a bad mother and she didn’t deserve to have kids. When working at a restaurant back in Australia, I was a cook, and the only non-smoker. It would piss me off when everyone else left me working while they had their ciggie breaks. One of the waitresses got pregnant, and she kept smoking. I asked her why she wasn’t giving it up. She said she was terrified to. She had gone cold turkey the last time she had gotten pregnant, and had a miscarriage. She thought that the stress of quitting caused her to lose her baby. She wasn’t going to go through it again. I begged her to at least cut back. She was a heavy smoker.

But here’s what I’ve learnt over the past few years. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older and wiser, or if it’s having been thrust back into the spotlight again a few years ago. But, I think we should stop judging other people so much. I couldn’t stand to be pregnant in this day and age. Matt and I had already decided not to have kids years ago. But watching the absolute public speculation and vilification of expectant mothers these days is just sad.

Yes, people should put an investment into their future kids. Yes, they should give them the best start possible. But here’s the thing. Everyone has a different idea of what that is. Somehow, in this day and age, everybody has a fucking opinion of what is right and what’s wrong when it comes to the thing growing inside someone else’s uterus.

Reading over blogs, discussions and twitter, it’s interesting to see it’s the men who are being the total heartless judgmental ones over the Chrissy thing, while women, who don’t agree with it, and also think it’s abhorrent, are at least a little gentler on her, and saying things like I don’t agree with it, but I feel sorry for her. Interesting that men, who cannot bear a child, and who are free to continue to drink and smoke for the 9 months their partners are pregnant, are the most judgmental when it comes to pregnancy. Women, who actually get to experience pregnancy, are obviously a little more empathetic. I feel sorry for pregnant women these days. They are no longer considered a woman. They are simply a carrier for an embryo. Everybody is constantly passing judgement, during the pregnancy, and then afterwards. Whether you give birth naturally or get a c-section, whether you breast or bottle feed, or what type of diapers you use. Then there’s the judgement over whether you lose weight quick enough afterwards. Poor Jessica Simpson was picked on the whole time she was pregnant. People kept passing judgement on how much she was eating. She was getting too big. Her pregnancy was lasting too long. She didn’t lose the weight quick enough. Now, they’re complaining she got pregnant again too quickly.Any time Jennifer Aniston turns down sushi, a magazine declares she’s knocked up. Maybe she just didn’t feel like raw fish that day. But heaven forbid she gets a craving for it while she is. Hilary Duff got the mummy police all over her after she smoked a cigarette outside a nightclub after her son was born. Jackie O caused a furore after being snapped bottle feeding Kitty while walking down a street. C’mon people. Is it really going to endanger a kid to be fed while a parent is walking? Just because some people can’t walk and chew gum at the same time doesn’t mean other people can’t multitask. I don’t see why the whole world has to stop just cause the kid is hungry.

People will bitch if you bottle feed a kid. They complain if you breast feed in public. How would people know if you had pumped your own breast milk and was bottle feeding it the kid, unless you’re Kourtney Kardashian and can film it for your reality show?

Pregnant women have become nothing more than an incubator. Nobody cares about her wellbeing. They don’t give a shit how she feels. Her only job in life is to provide a nice quiet vitamin filled space for a possible person. No pregnancy is guaranteed, perfect incubator or not. Sometimes things just don’t work out. It’s very sad, but sometimes babies die. It doesn’t mean it was the mother’s fault. But she better watch out, because you can bet someone is there who is going to point out that she did something that caused it. Never mind that’s she probably grieving, completely heartbroken, is having all kind of extra emotions from all the hormones. People will lay a guilt trip on them anyway.

I think it’s time people started to look at themselves in the mirror. Look at your own faults. See if you’re perfect before you openly criticize someone else. Yes, we all love to gossip. We all are guilty of talking shit about someone else. But don’t say something behind someone back that you wouldn’t say to their face. Don’t get on the internet and start talking about someone like Chrissie being an awful mother who deserves a smack over the head, unless you’re willing to say that to her face. Then, try to remember she’s 5 months pregnant and is going through a shitstorm of emotions and doesn’t need your judgement. It’s hard enough for people to ask for help when they need it. When you’re famous, you’re not allowed to be vulnerable. You’re not allowed to appear weak. Asking for help would be admitting to both of those things. How does a celebrity reach out and ask for help. Who do they turn to? How can they get the help they need without it being something else for people to scrutinize and form another opinion on, or yet another paparazzi shot or magazine article?

If nothing else, I hope Chrissie is now able to quit smoking. I just hope the stress of being in the public eye and getting all this negativity thrown at her doesn’t do more harm to her kid than the one cigarette a day she was smoking.


Creating Fame

Does publicity alone make someone famous?

I’ve often wondered whether someone could manipulate the media to become famous. I mean, Socialites have done it for years. People hang out at clubs or places where they could be seen in the social pages. But normally they were rich to begin with. Paris Hilton was a socialite, but she was rich. She hung out in the right circles. Same with Kim Kardashian. She was rich, her dad was famous. She hung out with the right crowd. Remember when she used to hang out with Hilton?

But can paparazzi and the media take a normal person and make them famous? Could Perez Hilton and TMZ manipulate their resources to make someone famous? Could they take ordinary people and make them famous? Lots of families are getting famous by getting a reality show, but can you make people famous without it? Just how much power do bloggers and celebrity gossip sites have? Can they create a celebrity just by showing their faces all the time?

Seems like they’re trying to find out….  TMZ is advertising for a family to move to LA. I wonder if they’re going to try to make a new Kardashian family.

Should be an interesting experiment. For years the media has manipulated us and told us what we’re supposed to find attractive. Some years it’s skinny, now we’re going back to curvy. The networks seem to pick a target and make sure that we all fall in love with them, even if they’re not a great actor… It’s not just Hollywood. There’s people in every country who is seems have been chosen to be the next big thing. I’ve always thought Executives do it just to see if they can.

I won’t be applying to be part of the TMZ show, but I do think it will be an interesting social experiment to watch.

Do you think the paparazzi alone can make someone famous? Do you think they should?


Elvis Lives!

Elvis is Alive and I’ve pissed him off!

I’ve been too busy to do anything to my website lately, but today I had a few minutes and I thought I’d clean out the tonne of spam. There was a couple of legitimate comments in there, including one from Elvis…. Apparently he’s not a happy camper.

We all had a good laugh about it at the office. I guess if I piss the Pedobears off this bad it means I’m doing something right.


Are You Ok day?

20120917-122206.jpgAre you OK?

So last Thursday was are you R U OK Day? Funnily enough, no one asked me on that day…  Importantly though, the day must have made an impact on people, at least I hope it did, and it wasn’t just one great caring person out there….

Today, I got to work, my back was having a spasm, and then the boys came in. I went to get my chai. I turned on music videos. I figured with music instead on CNN, there might be some kind of calm. Nope, the grumpy one decided to just start ripping apart every music video….

So, as I listen to Mr Negativity, while looking at pictures of decapitated people for my job, I came about 5 seconds from crying. Which my husband will tell you is a pretty big deal. We’ve been together for about 12 years, and he’s seen me cry maybe 5 or 6 times. I just don’t cry. When I do, it  kinda freaks him out, because he’s used to me being GI Jane.

So, as I was letting loose on Twitter, because I can sit at my desk and vent that way, I got a message from Annmaree Harris. It was a very simple, Hey, Are you OK? It was such a simple tweet, but it made me stop and smile. It made everything in the office fade away. It reminded me there are good people out there, and it was all going to be OK.

With all the talk about trolls on Twitter and FB, and how people should just stay off it if they don’t like the negativity, I’d like to say that today I had the opposite. I had a person on Twitter make me feel good about myself. I had someone use it to reach out and check that I was fine.

Let’s not let the trolls win. Lets remember to be nice to each other. Lets not only ask each other if we’re OK on that one day in September. If someone looks like they might need a hug, go ahead and ask them if they’re OK. That might be all they need.

Thanks @emaliine for caring today.