Slut Shaming or Common sense?

Why can’t we accept personal responsibility?

So there’s apparently a big uproar over an article that Mia Freedman wrote on her mamamia blog, with people claiming she’s victim blaming.
I read her article. I also read a lot of the responses. I think most people responding either didn’t read the article properly, or have reading comprehension issues. Mia did NOT blame victims who had been drinking. She did NOT say that drinking causes you to be raped. She at no point said that if you were raped while drunk, it was your fault. She simply said that getting wasted lowers your ability to make good judgements, it lowers your ability to fight off an attacker, it makes it more difficult to recognize when you may be in a potentially risky situation.
She did say that she would also teach her son about alcohol, and about how it could impair his ability to make good decisions.

We would all like to live in Utopia, where we are free to get drunk and parade around the streets at 2am, naked if we want. Yes, all parents should teach their sons not to rape. However, we don’t live in a perfect society. Yes, the majority of people are assaulted by people they know, while both parties are sober. Most attacks don’t involve alcohol.

This doesn’t mean however, that just because it’s not the majority case, or because it’s not the woman’s fault, that she can’t try to protect herself in the first place. Molested children learn quickly that the easiest way not to be molested, is to avoid the molester, or the situations where the molestation occurs. When people travel overseas, they know not to walk in dodgy areas late at night, in case they get mugged. When people go camping, they know to put the food up high, so it doesn’t attract predators. Soldiers learn basic hand to hand combat techniques, and then first aid, in case they get into an up close situation.

I wish that there wasn’t rapists and molesters. I wish we lived in a rosy happy place where bad things didn’t happen. However, I understand that we don’t live in that place. Just because the law says a man shouldn’t rape someone, doesn’t mean that I can walk around blindly, thinking that a law is going to protect me. It’s not. Because bad people don’t care about laws. So therefor, it’s up to me to do the best I can to protect myself. It doesn’t mean I won’t be overpowered, it doesn’t make me infallible, but it does mean I can at least try to protect myself. I’ll know that I tried. Ever noticed how many women learn self defense after they’ve been attacked? Why not take a class before?

Nobody wants to think that while they’re out having fun with their friends they’re going to be raped. But it happens. I’m not ok with it, but I accept it as a fact. What this means for me personally is that I only drink when I’m with Matt. If he’s not around, I don’t drink. – I have to drive, so I don’t want to get drunk anyway. I am more conservative in what I wear when I’m not with Matt. I don’t want strange guys leering at my breasts, so I don’t put them on display. I don’t get why that’s such a difficult concept. Women complain men are looking at their boobs, but they’re wearing an outfit that puts it all on display. You don’t need to wear a burka, but if you don’t want people to look, don’t show them off. Sometimes I will have a scarf or a shawl, and if I wear a low v-neck, I can them use it to cover up my goods if I feel people are oggling too much. I’m not a fan of high heels, and it’s because they’re impractical. I want to be able to walk, or run, if I have to. Not just in case of rapists, but what if there’s a fire, or a terrorist attack? Or I just want to leave? Wear heels if you like, but they make those little slip on shoes that fit in your handbag. Most girls in Texas wear cowboy boots with their dresses, which is way more comfortable, and practical.

I can see that people are feeling defensive. I can see that people feel helpless. If you have been raped or molested, it in NOT your fault. This doesn’t mean that we can’t tell people though that there are things they can do to help protect themselves. We tell kids not to talk to strangers, we tell people to lock their doors, we tell people not to travel to warzones. We tell people if they’re traveling cross country to make sure they have enough water and petrol. Why can’t we tell women not to put themselves in a dangerous situation? Whether that’s by not walking in certain neighbourhoods late or night, or getting so drunk they can’t walk straight, what’s the difference? There are men out there who will take advantage of a drunk woman. No he shouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean he won’t. So it’s up to her to help avoid that situation.

I also found it interesting that the younger generation, those in their 20’s, are the more vocal about it being slut shaming. I get it, when I was in my 20’s, I thought the world should just be a more fair place. As I got older, I accepted that it wasn’t, as it seems a lot of the older readers have. I would like for you younger girls to be able to get drunk, flirt with men, and still get home safely. But, I have enough life experience to know that’s not the way the world works. It’s not your fault. It’s not. But you can still help yourself and accept that the world isn’t perfect, and take care of yourself.

I don’t get why people get so defensive when it comes to personal responsibility.

October 16, 2013October 16, 2013

What is wrong with people?

Did the internet kill empathy?

I just don’t get people these days. When did everyone become so angry? Why is everyone constantly so narky? When did people lose the ability to feel empathy?

There’s always been an element of “I don’t care”, especially if it wasn’t something someone could relate to personally. But it seems like these days, people don’t even TRY to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. They just make a snap judgement on why someone is an idiot, and then proceed to slander them on social media, and don’t give a shit about the feelings of the others involved.

Yes, I look at Miley. Here’s a girl, trying to do her own thing. People don’t give a shit about calling her a slut, a talentless bitch, a prostitute. She’s a talented singer, who is trying to move away from her Disney roots. But the media has decided she’s the new girl to pick on, just like they did with Britney, and Amanda, and Lindsay. If you’re young and pretty in Hollywood, you better not grow up!

Look at people like Charlotte Dawson, who almost killed herself because of the douchebags on Twitter. Why do people think it’s OK to not just talk about people online, but actually direct those comments to them, making sure they can read them. Do people think celebrities aren’t human, they don’t have feelings? I love when Jimmy Kimmel does the segment where celebrities read mean tweets about themselves. They’re trying to laugh it off, but it also helps people see that it’s not nice.

Then there’s the Maryville rape case. Two girls in a small town, raped. One of them left outside in freezing weather. The Sheriff has everything together in four hours. Then, it turns out on of the boys is well connected. He’s more popular than the girl. Then the victim blaming begins. They actually ran the girl out of town. They wrote tweets about her, wore T-shirts to school, denouncing her. The boys admitted they did it, they have video evidence, and yet, people turned on the girl.

Then today, I read something that really made me lose my faith in humanity.

There was a major blizzard in South Dakota. Now, while we’re being bombarded on the news with the all important shit, like Kris Kardashian and Bruce Jenner breaking up, and how Kris has been cheating, there wasn’t a lot of news on the blizzard.Why talk about what’s going on in the “fly over” states, when Kim is baring her body post baby?

There’s a blog post written by Dairy Carrie. It’s about the devastation in South Dakota, and how to them, it was their Hurricane Sandy. People have lost everything. The whole livelihood gone in one storm. Yes, it’s quite sad, but being farmers, and knowing they’re strong resilient people, I know they’ll rebuild. What saddens me is the comments.

Are there really that many stupid people in the world. Do people really think beef comes from the supermarket? Do city slickers have no idea of what living in rural areas is like? Do they really think if you own a large ranch, you can just herd up your cattle when a storm is coming, and put them all inside with you?

Why are vegans and vegetarians such smug, pretentious assholes? They yap on about being veggie because they’re more caring than others, and yet it seems this lot of namaste greeting pricks is the most lacking in empathy. Maybe their body is lacking vital nutrients, or they’re just hungry, but if you’re going to preach about how awesome you are because you don’t eat meat, then don’t ruin it by being an asshole and telling someone who just lost everything they own, that they deserved it, because they contribute to the slaughter of animals. Not all animals on farms are for meat. Some are for dairy, some are just for show. Any while some are for meat, believe me, they are not just looked at as beef. Farmers love their cattle. They take great care of their animals. When one goes missing, or is taken by a coyote, you’ll see a big burly farmer cry. He’s not crying because he sees dollar signs missing. He’s crying because he’s lost one of his herd. Farmers are actually quite attached to their animals. The rancher next to us put up signs when his wife’s favourite cow went missing. Yes, on a large ranch, with several hundred head of cattle, she had a favourite, and she noticed when it wasn’t there one day.

There’s about 100,000 cows that have been killed in the storm. People are worried about the price of beef. Not about the farmers, and what they’ve lost. Just about how much extra their hamburger is going to cost them.

Does sitting at a desk and typing on a keyboard really make it that much harder for people to sympathize with others? Does the internet dehumanize us that much? Have people become so self entitled that they really just don’t give a fuck about anyone else?Do we really need to belittle one persons loss by comparing it to anothers. Devaluing one persons pain by saying it’s not as bad as another persons is just like slapping them in the face. It goes back to what your mother taught you, If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. Also, if you’re an ignorant dumbass who has no understanding on a situation, then shut the fuck up and keep your opinions to yourself.

I’m so glad I don’t have kids. I can’t imagine bringing new people into this world that is very rapidly becoming Idiocracy.

August 9, 2013August 9, 2013

Heal for life

Mayumarri – a Magical Place

Back in March, I made a short trip home to Australia. It had been a while since I had been home, except for quick fly in fly out things that weren’t a lot of fun.

Australia didn’t feel like home anymore. It was a place where I had grown up, but I didn’t have the most normal childhood, or the most enjoyable one. When I moved to Texas, at first it felt foreign, but I started to feel at home. I started to let myself live my own life, where nobody knew my past. Nobody judged me as being some has been former child star. I was just Sarah.

Right as I was really starting to form a new life here, and I was slowly working on moving back to being comfortable with cameras, I had found a passion in making a new series, Going Down, I was contacted about coming back to Australia and talking about my old life.

At first I said no. I thought I was moving forward. I didn’t want to go back. A few months later, I was asked again. I said no, again.

Then I was teaching acting classes, and I had a mother ask me questions about the industry. There was an incident with her daughter. Hearing the story made me so mad. Matt said he had never seen me so angry. It was like every piece of anger and hurt that I had buried from my childhood came bubbling up, all at once.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to fix it. But this time when I was contacted about talking about my past, I thought even if I have to go back, even if it means letting down the facade of being “just Sarah” something had to be done. Somebody had to stand up and say something. Somebody had to be willing to stand up and tell people what the industry is really like.

Now, I really didn’t expect what happened next to happen. I had spent years in Australia being told I was a nobody now. Just another washed up has been former child star off some sucky sitcom from the 80’s. I honestly thought it would be a miracle if anybody read the story. I hoped a couple stage parents might see it and think twice about letting their kids in the industry. I purposely didn’t name who it was, because I didn’t want it to be about me and him. I wanted it to be a story about what can happen to ANY child in the industry.

Well, I miscalculated. Apparently people read the story. Then all hell broke loose. It became bigger than me, and I wasn’t in control of it. All of a sudden there was people at my house, then I was on a flight to Australia. It all happened so fast. I was being pushed and pulled. I was once again being told what to do. It seemed like everyone was talking about it. It was on the news, in magazines, the in flight newscast. Basically, it was insane.

It also made Australia seem like a scary place again. Everybody there was judging me. They all knew who I was again, and everybody had an opinion. Most people didn’t have a nice one either. Everyone seemed to think I had some kind of ulterior motive; That I only spoke out to revive my career, or make some money. I’ve since noticed that happens anytime someone speaks out. Nobody wants to think that maybe there really are Pedophiles out there, and it’s easier to knock the victim, than admit bad things happen.

After all the media hoopla, and my life was completely changed, and I didn’t know who I was anymore, I thought about the few people who had actually taken my side during the ordeal.

There was Hetty Johnston and Bravehearts. There was several people behind the scenes. Then there was Liz Mullinar. She had been the casting director for Hey Dad, and she had been on TV several times to talk about what she knew.

I hadn’t seen or communicated with Liz since I was a teenager. But I felt the need to write everyone a letter and thank them for standing by me over the last two years.

I wrote to Liz, and she wrote back. She asked me if I would accept her invitation to come to Heal For Life. She knew how hard this journey was, and wanted to make sure I was going to be OK. I had read about Heal For Life. It seemed like an awesome place, and I had wished I was in Australia to attend it. There was several programs to choose from. Liz invited me to the private retreat, or the regular healing week. Something told me this was something I really needed to do. You know how the little voice inside you just screams sometimes? So, I worked out when I could get leave. I knew I had enough frequent flyer miles to do the trip. I just had to work out when there was a healing week and flights….

So in March I finally made it back to Australia. Funnily enough, it was the one week of the year that Liz wasn’t at Heal For Life. She was on a cruise with her sister, but it was still amazing.

My brother drove me up a long winding road out into the Hunter Valley. There was trees, and birds, and a whole lot of quiet. It was far away from the city, and any potential of anybody seeing me. I didn’t have to worry about any rogue photographers, or ending up in the paper.

Heal For Life was the most amazing thing I have ever done for myself. I arrived on Sunday afternoon, not knowing what to expect, and I left the following Friday as a completely different person.

Every morning we were greeted by kangaroos and wild birds. We got up and made breakfast, before starting our day of healing. There was a group of ten of us at that week. We were all apprehensive, and then we opened up. We realized we all had own own issues, and nobody else was going to judge us. It wasn’t like a group therapy session, where everyone spent an hour talking, and then had to go back to their normal life. This wasn’t like talking to a shrink, who just sits there and writes in a book, and doesn’t understand what you’re really going through.

All of the carers at Heal For Life are survivors themselves. They’ve been through the journey. They don’t judge, or give you a simple pat on the back and say “there, there, it’ll all be ok”. Instead, this was completely the opposite. You were encouraged to scream, shout, cry, talk, punch things. Do whatever you needed to do to let the pain out. We learnt about triggers, and what happens when we are triggered, and how to de-trigger. We learnt how what we went through as kids can affect our decisions as an adult.

I knew I was working stuff out when I decided to go swimming in the pond. Even though I scuba, I’m actually quite terrified of water. I’m fine with the air tank, once I’m under water, but fresh water, and being on the surface freak me out. By Wednesday, I was swimming around in the pond….

I’m not a crier, or an emotional person. I’ve always just pushed it all deep down inside. I learnt to cry at Heal For Life. I learnt to let my emotions out, instead of just bottling it all up. Even my masseuse has noticed the difference. I no longer have giant knots in my back.

When my brother picked me up, we had a long hard talk. We talked about things I never would have talked about before. And I was fine. I had already worked out so many issues, I could handle our conversation.

Before Heal For Life, I wasn’t sure if I could handle coming back to Australia again. Now I miss it. It feels like home again, like it no longer only holds bad memories. It also made me realize I was strong enough to get through the next year, and going to court. I know there will be bad days, but now I know how to respond to those moments, and move past them.

Heal For Life made me a better person. It made me strong, it made me happy again. I wish everyone who had been through some kind of childhood trauma could go there.

I can never thank Liz Mullinar enough for creating Heal For Life, and for inviting me to come down and experience it. It has completely changed my life.

I encourage anyone who needs to heal to look into attending a healing week. It seems scary, but it really will be an amazing thing to do for yourself.

www.healforlife.com.au

April 11, 2013

The dreaded 36

Not looking forward to 36…

Everyone talks about the dreaded 27 club. However, there’s plenty of people that also fall into the 36 club.

The most important member of the 36 club though was my dad. He died 13 days after his 36th birthday. I’ve always been scared of turning 36. I’ve always been scared of joining the club. I’ve never really thought I’d outlive my dad.

Well, this is it. This is 36. This is also going to be a big year. Hopefully it will just be a part of me that doesn’t make it to 37. Maybe during my 36th year, I can shed pieces of the past, and a new me can emerge.

For now, I’ve just got to make it through the next 14 days, and I’ll at least outlive my dad.

November 20, 2012

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

Its Thanksgiving on Thursday.

I love Thanksgiving. It’s an awesome American holiday that I really enjoy. It’s not a religious day, so everyone in the country celebrates. While everyone gets together to feast, it’s not a gift giving holiday, so it doesn’t feel commercial. It’s just about everyone getting together with their family & friends and giving thanks for all the great things we have in our life.

Matt and I are headed to the in-laws for the feast. I’m super excited because our dearest friends, Eric & Melissa will be joining us. I’ve known them since I moved to the US, and Eric and I were in scouts together, and he’s the First Sergeant of my Guard unit. He also works for immigration and he made me a US citizen. He’s married to Melissa, who makes the best food ever. I love them both.

After the relatives, it’s off to a second feast with our friends. Thanksgiving is all about eating!

This year it’s also extra special because Thursday will be Matt and I’s 10th wedding anniversary. He is what I am most grateful for in this life, so it’s pretty fitting it falls on Thanksgiving.

Added bonus, news on the extradition….

There’s a lot to be Thankful for this year. I hope everyone in the US has a great Turkey Day. Everyone in Australia, I know you’ll miss out on the feast, but you can still have a turkey dinner and have happy thoughts on all your blessings.

October 30, 2012October 30, 2012

Creating our own monsters

What happens when you make someone untouchable?

Tomorrow is Halloween in the US. Its a time when all the networks show scary movies. People dress up as ghouls and goblins and other frightening fare. The last couple years outfits like Priests with altar boys attached have started surfacing….

Hollywood makes lots of scary characters. Untouchable demons. Hideous creatures that terrify children. I was most afraid of Stephen Kings It. I couldn’t walk over a storm drain for years and had a fear of clowns. Years later, I watched It again. It was cheesy and no longer terrifying, but I could see what scared me. The undercurrent of predation on small children.

stephen-king-it-tim-curry — It talking to kids from the storm drain

FreddyKrueger2010 — Freddy Krueger. Wes Craven thought a child molester was scarier than a child killer...

A couple years ago, they remade the Freddy Krueger movies. We went to see it at the cinema right after I went public. I didn’t know that Wes Craven had changed Freddy from being a child molester to a pedophile. It was very weird watching it while going through all the hoopla. It was very emotional. Wes said when he originally wrote the films, Freddy was meant to be a pedophile, but the studio didn’t like it, as there was a series of high profile cases of molestation at the time. When they re-did it, he made it the way he wanted it, saying that a child molester was the worst thing he could think of.

But what happens when studios create real life monsters? Or when society lets people develop into an untouchable persona?

People wonder how it can be that people like Jerry Sandusky or Jimmy Savile could have molested so many kids and gotten away with it for so long. The problem is, as a society, we’ve created these monsters. We’ve allowed them to operate untouched. We’ve given them access to our kids and let them know it was OK for them to do it.

r-JERRY-SANDUSKY-large570 — Jerry Sandusky. People knew he was raping young boys, but he was still untouchable.

Look at Sandusky. He was in football. He was built up to be this greater than life human. When someone stepped up to say maybe he wasn’t so great, they were hushed. They were told not to rock the legacy. Which just made him even more powerful. It gave him a power trip to know he could get away with it.

Jimmy Savile was some creepy looking dude with bad teeth. The studios built him up to be an icon. Along the way, as he was molesting girls, anyone who dared speak up was shut down. They were told he’s Jimmy Savile. That’s just part of his persona. Which just made him even more untouchable.

Roman Polaski raped a young girl. Violently. He was

supposed to do time, but then fled the country. However, all these useless Hollyweird types keep insisting he should be forgiven because he’s an artiste.

There’s another guy called Victor Salva. He was sent to prison because he’d been busted filming himself during acts of oral sex and rape with a 12 year old boy, but he was allowed to work with kids again, making movies like Powder, for Disney. Yes, the same Disney that’s aimed at kids and has a whole spate of pedophile rumors swirling around them.

Outside of Hollywood, society does the same thing. Instead of cutting someone down while the allegations are fresh and before a person becomes untouchable, we build people up to become nightmares. People won’t dare question a priest who spends extra time with kids. Boy Scout leaders are just doing their best for their troops. Soccer coaches are just paying extra attention to the gifted kids. If the pedo is also into charity, like Sandusky or Savile, they’re built into Sainthood. You can’t speak out because you’ll be responsible for that charity not getting any money. Which the pedo works out is another great tool to blackmail his victims into not talking.

We need to stop canonizing Pedophiles. We need to stop thinking it’s ok for someone to be touching kids because they do good things for other kids. They’re not helping kids. They’re using them as a cover to get to kids.

People were so scared of Jimmy Savile that the full story didn’t come out till after he was dead. Meanwhile, he’d become such a larger than life figure that he’s gotten a medal from the Queen. People knew he was raping young girls and they kept it quiet because they didn’t want to ruin his image.

Jerry Sandusky was raping children in the showers and in his basement. But he was helping kids become footballers.

gary_glitter — Gary Glitter. Once a pop star to being arrested on child porn and molestation charges.

What the fuck is wrong with people? How about we start outing people before they get to that point where people are scared shitless to say anything against them. How about we not empower these predators?

Why don’t we stop watching films made by filthy scum like Roman Polanski? I don’t give a shit if he directs films. Give me a loud speaker and a crew and I’ll direct a film. I promise I won’t rape anyone while I do it.

What scares me the most in all these cases that are coming out is just how many people knew what was going on. So many people were aware of allegations, or had witnessed the abuse firsthand. So many people who were in positions where they could have said something. They could have put a stop to it. All these people were intimidated, and only contributed to making the pedophile and even bigger monster. They turned them into real life Freddy Kruegers.

September 13, 2012

Middle Class Outrage

Middle Class Outrage & First World Problems

As I read through twitter, and I’m amused by pictures of peoples cats, read through news links and see people’s sandwiches, I’m also struck by the amount of outrage over petty stuff. At least most of those people know they’re being wankers by putting the little hashtag #FirstWorldProblems Then there are the people who are genuinely upset over things. Normally things that irritate me. Maybe that’s why their tweets stick out. So it’s my turn to be outraged on the internet. Oh, the irony,

I’ve learnt a few things in life. Some because of situations I’ve been in, others because of my work. Others because they should just be common sense.

Two things that strike me the most, besides the amount of absolutely worthless people on Twitter who obviously have nothing better to do all day that to cyber bully people, is the amount of whining that people do about stuff they could probably just go out and fix. Or at least do something other than sit on the computer all day and complain.

I understand not everyone is given access to all the information they need to make an informed decision all the time. However, usually a little Googling will give you some knowledge. I for example, work in Border Security. I don’t get to carry a gun and sit on the line like others in my facility do. Instead, I’m a desk jockey, writing reports, working with intel and watching the cameras. I get to call the guy on the line and give him a heads up about what’s coming. I understand I get access to information that gives me a completely different opinion than most on what goes on on a border. It’s not all refugees seeking a better life. It’s not all poor Mexicans coming to pick lettuce. For the most part, it’s not even Mexicans. It’s drug and currency runners, and other people who are running the border because they can’t get a visa because they’ve been deported 3 times for rape or murder charges. So when I read tweets about those poor, poor people who are just looking for a better life, I’m a lot more skeptical than most. I know why people don’t apply for visas. I know why people pay people smugglers. I know why people “loose” their documents. What pisses me off more though than middle class folks who want to complain about the big bad government protecting their rights by wanting immigrants to go through proper channels is how people complain about their government. Your government is protecting you. They’re trying to make sure the person who was already busted on 5 felonies who then escaped isn’t coming back to kill your kids. They’re making sure they’re not terrorists trying to pass themselves off as refugees. Also, if you’re so damn upset about the rights of said refugees, you could do something about it. Instead of complaining on twitter, or writing some snarky blog about how awful things are, get off your arse and go do something about it. I wonder how many of the complainers have bothered to go sign up and do some volunteering? When I lived in Australia, I went and did a course at TAFE that certified you to teach ESL to new migrants. It was free and only took a couple of days a week. Here, I joined a medical unit in the guard. Every year, they do a big trip to the border where they provide free medical care to people who can’t afford it. It’s right before school goes back. They give free shots to kids and adults. They do health screenings for the adults. They provide translators for those who can’t speak English. It’s all free. The people in the Guard don’t get paid. They sign up because they want to give back to their community. When there’s a fire or hurricane, the guard goes out and sets up shelters. They provide food, shelter and medical care. Instead of complaining on twitter, go join some organization that actually does something to help people.

Then there are people that complain the other way. If someone says something, like they were bummed they couldn’t afford the new iPad, some other internet hero will lambast them with how other people are starving in 3rd world countries and they shouldn’t be complaining about a lack of an iPad. I wonder if these people have ever lived in a 3rd world country. Not just visited some tourist town, but actually lived. I spent a year in Honduras. It’s the 2nd poorest country in the Western World (behind Haiti) and has the highest murder rate in the world. People there might not have had solid walls, but they all had cable TV…. People who wanted to work found work. Even if it was pushing an ice-cream cart. Others just wanted to sit at home and watch novelas all day and send their kids out to beg for money. Yes, Honduras sucked. However, if you choose not to get a job, I choose not to give your kids money on the street. I don’t need some middle class suburbanite telling me I’m an awful because I choose to have a job and choose not to hand over my hard earned money to someone who watches TV all day. If I want nice things, and I work hard to buy nice things, I shouldn’t have to feel guilty for it.It’s not much different on the south side of San Antonio. People come to the mall with their kids. They’ve got tattoos all over. They’re wearing a bunch of gold. They’re paying cash for perfume. Their kids have black teeth. Those people will complain the can’t afford to take their kids to the dentist. They can, it’s just not on their priority list.

Lastly, I want to touch on Needs, Wants and Rights.

People just can’t seem to grasp the difference between a need and a want. Just because you want something, doesn’t mean you need it. When I worked promos, the amount of people who told me they needed another sample, or shirt, or free trinket amazed me. They’d say, I need another one. I need it for my sister, and I need another one for my Aunt, and one for my cousin. If I run out, they’d say, well give me your shirt. Seriously, I had people who literally wanted the shirt off my back. I’m giving you something for free, which you’re either going to throw away, or go around the corner and sell. It’s free shit. It’s not stuff you need. Same thing applies for that cute designer handbag, shoes or any other luxury item. Needs are basic stuff, like shelter, food, water. Then there are rights. A lot of people need to read up on what their rights really are. Or what other peoples rights are in other countries before they start complaining.

For example, the US is not a signatory on the UN refugee program. They don’t have to take anyone as a refugee. Australians are not guaranteed the right to free speech. People seem to think because something applies in one country, it’s true for ALL English speaking countries. No country has to give you a tourist visa. It’s up to that country to decide if they want to let you in or not. Just because you want to visit a country, doesn’t mean you have a right to.

Lastly, there’s Need to Know. People seem to think they have a right and a need to know everything. Just look at the Wikileaks fanatics. Actually, people don’t have a right or a need to know everything. Especially when it’s sensitive information that could put other people’s lives in jeopardy. Just because you’re interested in knowing the details of something, doesn’t mean you have the right to hack somebody’s computer and find out. (Or hacking their voicemail) Your interest in a subject is not more important than making sure justice is done. It’s not more important that keeping other people safe. When the time is right, and it’s safe for everyone, information will be released. It’s not like Joe Public reads that stuff anyway. Shit, even most journalists don’t actually do any research on their own these days. For the most part, it’s the bad guys who are reading over the classified stuff. Yes, there’s plenty of stuff we get at work marked classified that I don’t think should be, I think it would be in the public interest for people to know. But where do you draw the line? It’s not my decision to decide what gets released and what doesn’t. I accept that there’s a reason it’s not being released. Just like my case. There are some details that have been released, and some stuff people will just have to wait till we go to court to hear about. Just because you’re interested in the details, doesn’t mean we’re going to spill the beans on everything before justice is done. Some things need to stay confidential till it’s over. I know that goes against my first point of educating yourself before ranting, but sometimes people just talk about stuff they have no business getting involved in. There’s also the hypocritical factor. Why is it not OK for News of the World to hack celebrities phones but it is OK to steal State secrets? Are the private messages of Hugh Grant really more important and need protecting than where a platoon of troops is? If you’re going to advocate for one, you have to accept the other.

Well, now that’s I’ve been that crazy person I’ve been bitching about, and I’ve vented and feel better, I’m going out. Tomorrow when I wake up and read twitter I’ll just tell myself everyone is being sarcastic when they tweet about shit, or they’re also just having a vent. If that doesn’t work, I’ll keep telling myself that ignorance is bliss and there’s lots of happy people out there.

August 17, 2012

Election 2012

Douchebaggery in Political Elections

The 2012 Election campaign is in full swing in the US. While there are in fact FOURTEEN people currently running for President of the United States, the media would have you believe there was only TWO people running – Obama and Romney.

I run in all kinds of circles, but most of my friends are big Ron Paul supporters. He ran in the last election as a Libertarian. Everyone loved him, but they all considered a Libertarian vote a wasted vote, so they voted Republican. This time, Ron Paul is running as a Republican, but the media has done their best to ignore his existence. They still want the American public to believe there’s only two options, Obama and Romney. Of course, by focusing on those two exclusively, they’re assuring they’re the only two people who get any votes on election day. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

What’s even more troubling to me than the media bias and their clear intent on creating the next President, is the actual candidates themselves.

I consider being a politician to be a job, or for some people, a profession. Now, most people when they apply for a job, write up a resume, a nice cover letter, they may do a few rounds of interviews. The better the job, the more interviews you’ll probably have to do. Some jobs you’ll have to do background checks, maybe a credit check. They’ll talk to your past employers, ask for references, you know the drill. Throughout this whole process, the candidate is talking about themselves. They talk about why THEY should be hired. They’ll tell potential employers why they are right for the job, what skill they have, why they are the best candidate. At no time do they talk about other potential employees.

Why can’t political elections work the same way? The Presidential position is a job. Their employer is the people of the United States. They’re asking us to give them the job. So just once I’d like to hear a Presidential Candidate talk about why I should vote for them, and not why I shouldn’t vote for the other guy. It seems like candidates have no good points of their own. They never tell me good things about themselves. All they do is tell me bad points about the other people, and the reason I should vote for them is because they’re less of a douchebag than the other guy.

This appears to be pretty universal. Politicians everywhere seem to have descended into this schoolyard mudslinging match of making everyone else look like idiots and liars, while not really saying anything special about themselves, except, I’m better, cause he sucks.

The US President also has the additional responsibility of being the Commander in Chief of the US Military. I personally think if you’re going to be the highest ranking guy in charge of a military, you should have some kind of military experience. At the very least, you should at least respect the men and women who are willing to sacrifice their lives when you decide you’re not adult enough to work shit out diplomatically and decide to declare war.

Now that I’m a US Citizen and I’m allowed to vote, and I have already done so in the Primaries, you can bet I won’t be voting for Obama or Romney. I’m not going to give my vote to someone just because they’re not as bad as the other guy. I’ll be giving my vote to someone who actually talk about themselves, and how they can make America a better place for Americans.

I invite all Americans to actually do some research on the 14 candidates. Don’t base your vote on what CNN or FoxNews tells you. Find out for yourself what the politicians are running for. What their intentions are. Who they care about. Make an informed decision. If you like someone, go out and vote for them. You don’t have to stick to the two who are paying the news to show their faces. If everyone voted for who they liked, instead of thinking of it as a “wasted vote” we might surprise some people and shake up the establishment.

August 1, 2012March 25, 2013

Gay Marriage

Why does it matter if gays get married?

I’m sure I’m going to upset a lot of people with this post. Gay marriage rights are such a divisive issue. But, it’s something I feel pretty strongly about, so I’m going to just put it out there…. Why start holding back now, eh?

I’m pretty amazed that in the year 2012, we are even having a discussion about gay marriage rights. I wonder if this is how people felt back in the 1950’s in the American south while they were trying to create equal rights for black people. Today it seems crazy that colored people had a separate bathroom, or had to ride at the back of the bus.

In South Africa, where Nelson Mandela is now a revered figure, it’s crazy that there used to be apartheid. Way back before my time, women weren’t allowed to vote. People couldn’t migrate to Australia if they weren’t white. People used to be burned at the stake for being a witch. My point is, there’s a lot of things in the past that people were pretty passionate about that just seem ridiculous now.

In 20 years, kids will be incredulous that gays had to fight for the right to be married. I mean, what is marriage anyway? I’d like to be all romantic and think it’s the binding together of two hearts, but really, marriage is nothing more than a legal business contract. It always has been. It’s the tying together of two people financially. Back in the day, and still today in many third world or middle eastern nations, it is a way for a man to essentially purchase a woman. The man was now responsible for his bride. He had to provide for her. Even in England a hundred years ago, women did nothing more than look for a good husband who could provide her status and money. (Pride and Prejudice anyone?) Shit, women still do that today. That’s why marriages now have pre-nups. If marriage was only about love, people wouldn’t have to sign financial contracts before they said I Do. There wouldn’t be dowries. There wouldn’t be arranged marriages.

Marriage also provides other financial benefits, like health insurance, life insurance and being recognized in a will, should one party die. It also means if one party goes to hospital, the other one is recognized as the next of kin and gets to make life altering decisions for the other one. I couldn’t imagine if I was taken to hospital and I was told that Matt couldn’t make decisions for me, that they were going to defer those to my mother. I haven’t spoken to her in over 2 years. What would she know about my wishes? When Matt was in hospital and on life support, there was a misunderstanding over whether he could have a transfusion or not. Matt and I had often talked about worst case scenarios, and I knew what he wanted. His parents had different ideas. The hospital stepped in and said as his wife I had the legal and ultimate decision over what happened to him. When he woke up, he was grateful I had been there to make the call, and stand up for what he wanted. I’m sure there’s many other people in the same position.

I love Matt more than life itself, and couldn’t imagine being without him. However, getting a Greencard so we could stay together was a pretty big push for us to get married. If we didn’t, I’d have had to keep flying back and forth. I can’t imagine being a gay or lesbian who is told that because I can’t get married, I can’t be in the same country as the one I love.

I don’t believe in the Church’s view of one man and one woman. For starters, I don’t believe in the church. I think it’s nothing more than a corrupt institution that was used back in the day to control the masses with it’s oligarchy. These days most churches are still corrupt and self serving. Look at the Catholic church. It’s all about real estate and covering up child abuse. Evangelicals and TV churches will pray for you for money. Sects of the Mormons think it’s ok to have 5 wives, but no gay marriages? Others will kill each other because they don’t believe in the same God. Religions are always picking and choosing which bits are relevant and which bits they’re not going to listen to anymore, so it’s all pretty pointless and self serving anyway.

If you need an invisible friend to talk to and that’s your thing, then power to you. I however belong to the Church of Me. I believe in myself and that’s all I need. I don’t need someone preaching to me about something that may or may not have actually occurred over 2000 years ago. I don’t need to tithe to some institution who uses it to pay off lawyers, or buy the preacher a nice house and car, while they never give anything back to their community. I don’t need to kill people in the name of my God, or think less of someone because they believe in a different God. I know right from wrong, and don’t need the promise of heaven or hell to make me stay on course with my moral compass.

Gay marriages aren’t going to erode the sanctity of marriage. People like Kim Kardashian and Ana Nicole Smith have both done that. Elizabeth Taylor couldn’t keep it with one man. JFK wasn’t loyal to Jackie O. Jackie O married Onassis for love? Yeah, right. Plenty of hetero couples make a joke of the “sanctity of marriage”. It’s up to the couple to make a marriage, it’s not up to others to judge it and approve of it.

Most of my favourite people in this world are gay. My dad was a fashion designer, and we were exposed pretty early as kids to gays and lesbians. I grew up loving “Uncle Pierro”, who was with Harold until Harold died. I was so excited when Pierro was at my brothers wedding. At channel 7, a huge number of the crew was gay. It was almost a requirement to work in the props dept. I don’t know what I would have done without Gordon. He was always there with a packet of Tim Tams and a hug. He was also the one who finally stood up to the director when she thought it was OK to hit me with a cane on set. He was the one who told her if she hit me again he was going to report her to child protective services. The cane disappeared. My best friend growing up, Kate, had a mum who was a lesbian. She lived with her partner. My favourite in-laws are Uncle Pete and Aunt Steve. I don’t know how I would have made it through some of the family get togethers without those two. My publicist Stephen lives with his gorgeous partner, Ben. Those two have done so much for me. (Although on bad days I curse Stephen for making me go public) These are all people I love, and I don’t see anything wrong or different about them. They just happen to love someone who has an inny or an outtie that matches their own. That doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be in an equal relationship with the one they love. If Steve gets sick, Pete should be allowed to make decisions for him. If a partner dies, the one left behind should be treated as a spouse, and not have to jump through hoops with what’s left behind.

I think gays and lesbians should be allowed to have kids on their own or adopt them. Kate lived with her dad, but her mum and her partner were always there for her. What’s the difference between a couple having a kid, then one of them realizing they’re gay, and a gay couple already together having a kid? Either way the kid ends up with a blended family. I had a mother and father. Then my father died. Lots of women are single mothers. Their kids don’t have a father and mother. Saying kids need one of each is such bull-shit rhetoric. Are we going to round up all the pregnant women whose husbands died on the battlefield and tell them they can’t keep those kids because they don’t have a dad? What about women who don’t know who their baby daddy is? It’s not like a couple is an island. Kids are exposed to people of both sexes. Other adults step up. Kids seek out what they need. As long as both parents love that child, raise it properly, teach it manners and respect, who cares if they have two mummies or two daddies? So many kids these days already have 2 mums and 2 dads, or 3 or more, because their hetero parents keep getting divorced and re-married. Matt and I have chosen not to have kids. Ever. Does that mean we shouldn’t be allowed to be married? According to some religious folk, the only reason to get married is to have kids. Should infertile couples have their marriages annulled?

I don’t think it’s right, or constitutional, that town Mayors told Chick-Fil-A that they can’t open new restaurants in their cities, but you can bet your arse I won’t be eating at a Chick-Fil-A ever again. I don’t tell them they should be open on Sunday instead of going to church. Companies should make products, not spout religious views. I’m an Athiest, but I don’t try to deny people rights based on my non-belief of a deity. I don’t begrudge religious people their right to their beliefs either. I just think people should keep their religious beliefs out of politics and legal issues. Go ahead and pray before dinner, or at the rodeo, or the football game. I won’t begrudge you that right to pray in public. Just don’t expect me to say the words with you, or believe any of it. But religious people shouldn’t begrudge others their rights either. I will take those people that I love, and who have always been there for me, and who treat me with love and respect over some imaginary person and whatever crap people spouted thousands of years ago any day. I hope that Australia and America both move past the Church v’s State issue, and realize that the love/financial contract between two people shouldn’t be a religious issue.

If Matt’s uncles, Kate’s mum, or Anderson Cooper want to get married to their partners, then they should be allowed. Maybe one day people will look back and think not allowing Pete and Steve to get married is as silly as not allowing a mixed race couple to marry. What a grown couple does in their own personal life has absolutely no effect on me whatsoever. If another couple gets married, gay or straight, it’s none of my business what they do in their bedroom. It doesn’t infringe on my right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

People are people. We shouldn’t be defined by the colour of our skin, by our choice of invisible friend or by who we fall in love with.

July 27, 2012July 27, 2012

Social Media & Celebrities

Connecting with famous people through Social Media.

I love the internet. I love Social Media. I even used to work at a SEO company, and actually got to sit on FaceBook and Twitter all day long. I wrote blogs for several companies and helped others understand Social Media and how to incorporate it into their business.

Since going public with the past a couple years ago, Social Media has been a mixed bag of fish for me. It was pretty vindicating using television as a medium to share my story. I had been abused in a television environment, so using it as the tool to go public and share what happened to me was a great way of taking that tool and re-purposing it.

As the story broke in Woman’s Day, I was still in Texas. I didn’t even know it had been published, till I saw it online on the WD website. Internet forums starting to go crazy with the story. I was watching the ACA and TT websites as they had coverage of interviews with other people. Then ACA sent Peter Stefanovic to my house in Texas to interview me. We used Skype to stay in contact with people in Australia, trying to figure out just how crazy big things had blown out of control. We were all watching forums like Whirlpool Hey Dad scandal thread. (Which is now several hundred pages over 3 different threads) Twitter went crazy. Hey Dad actually trended for a little bit there. People made all kinds of FaceBook pages. It seemed like everyone who had access to a keyboard had an opinion on the issue.

I got lots of emails, both good and bad. I had people commenting on my website. I was watching the twitter feed to see what people were saying.

I am now very sensitive about what I say about other people on Social Media. I know that people, even celebrities and famous people, or those like me who are simply in the news, do actually read the internet. We do use Twitter. We can see what people are saying about us. Unfortunately, about a good 80-90% of it is negative…

Before saying how much you hate someone on Twitter or in a forum, think about how YOU would feel if someone said that about you. Then imagine you’re reading that while you’re already under a whole heap of stress. It was hard enough going public, laying my soul bare, telling people about my past, without then having thousands of people judge me and post everywhere that I was simply a money grubbing publicity whore seeking an extra 15 minutes of fame and a way to sell Going Down. I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to speak out about abuse. I was using the medium I was comfortable in, since that was what I knew. I was trying to make an impact, getting the message out there. I had expected there to be some negative reaction, I didn’t expect to see people slamming me on places like Expecting Mothers message boards. I could only imagine what they would be like if their kids came to them for help one day….

Anyhow, over the last couple of years I’ve changed a lot. I have a new outlook on life, and a new outlook on Social Media, as well as celebrities.

I just want to remind people that celebrities and other people in the spotlight are people too. They have good days and bad days. They have feelings, just like you and me. Just like you wouldn’t like it if a bunch of people talked shit about you, celebs aren’t immune to people talking smack about them. I’m sure Liesel doesn’t appreciate people talking about her figure while she’s preparing for the Olympics, (she’s a fucking swimmer people, not a Victoria’s Secret Model) or even Rihanna tweeting that her performance sucked in Sweden, when they didn’t know her Grandma had just died. There are so many cases I can think of when people are coming down on others when all they really need is a hug. I love that Sophie Monk, Piers Morgan and Ricky Gervais are witty in replies, but I’m sure they’re not totally immune either.

Being mean on Twitter is just another form of cyberbullying. Celebs aren’t immune.

So, I thought these Jimmy Kimmel clips were funny. It’s a great way to remind people that Celebrities are human just like us. It’s presented in a funny way, but it has a good meaning behind it. There’s a few of them on YouTube. Go watch, and next time, think before you tweet.

BTW, I’m @shrimptank on twitter.