Journal

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Let THIS be a lesson in professionalism….

I guess as we’ve seen in the last couple of weeks, karma can be a bitch. If you don’t do the right thing, it will eventually come back to bite you in the ass.

My best friend, as she was watching all this unfold, asked me, “Which was worse, the abuse, or the fact that so many people knew about it, but didn’t do anything to stop it?”

For the record, I DO NOT blame Simone and Ben for what happened to me on the set. You have to understand, the entertainment industry in Australia back then was incredibly small. There wasn’t a lot of work around. It was very easy to become an outcast and never work again. When I confided in them, they both did what they could at the time. They went to management, they were both told to be quiet. I can also understand why they haven’t brought it to the attention of the police in the years since. They waited till I was ready to deal with it. When I was, there were there to back me up. I find it offensive that people are suggesting that they only came forward once somebody waved a cheque at them. Yes, they were offered a lot of money by some other networks to tell their story. They didn’t accept it. This was NOT a money making exercise for any of us. This was about releasing a demon that we were all carrying for so many years.

I have always loved Simone and Ben dearly. They were there for me when I needed them back then and they are here for me when I need them now. I know both of them have been carrying this with them for many years. Please do not judge them. It’s all very easy for people not involved to say what they would have done in the same situation, but until you really are in that situation, you can’t know how you would react. I know what went on back then, and I’ve seen how it’s affected their lives since. I would ask that if I still love them and hold no bad feelings, that other people would respect that. You can’t blame them.

On that note, to a lesser extent, I can even understand why Gary tried to keep it quiet. Hate the show all you want now, but at the time, we were the highest rating show on Television. It was Gary’s baby. It was his show. It was his responsibility to keep the show running. I’d like to think that I would have handled the situation differently, had two different cast members come to me telling me what was happening. But, I wasn’t in that situation, so I can’t know for sure.

Let THIS be a lesson in professionalism. If somebody comes to you, telling you that something is not right, don’t try to cover it up. When it does all come to light, however many years later, you don’t want to look like a fuckwit. There’s more to life than money.

Oh, and it’s nobody’s business how much we made, but here’s the Women’s Day letter to Media Watch about how much we got paid. We didn’t make enough to buy new houses, or even a car. They simply covered the time we had to take out of our days to tell our story. I didn’t fly first class on my 30+ hr trip back to Oz. Not even premium economy. I sat with the screaming kids back in row 70. My husband had to take time off work so he could join me, as this was something hard for me to do alone. They didn’t pay him for his time either. It’s in the police report how much I made, and it will all be evidence if we ever go to court.

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Emails and Posts

Sorry if you’ve sent me an email or message in the last couple of weeks. I didn’t have internet while I was in Oz. I’m just going through all the emails now. There’s a LOT of them, so please be patient…

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Finally back home

For those of you wondering if I ever made an official police statement, Yes, I did. There is still a media blackout, so the police will not talk about it till all the statements have been taken.

For the people who have posted on forums why I didn’t just call the police or send am email, I’m guessing you’ve never actually given a police statement.

The detectives I was with were wonderful people. It wasn’t nearly as brutal as I thought it was going to be, however, it was still over 35 hrs spent giving my testimony to the police. Not exactly something that could me done over skype…  The police are also aware of any money that I may have received for my story. If only it were really as much as people are speculating! Try removing a couple of zero’s and you’d be closer to it…

My original article in Woman’s Day was supposed to be a general warning to the public. We never anticipated that people were going to demand a name and shame, only to later decide they only really wanted him named if it wasn’t someone famous…. Sorry, but you can’t have it both ways.

ACA only named him after there was sufficient evidence, and as a way to clear the names of the innocent. Trust me, lots of lawyers were involved. We all had to sign Stat Decs before we went to air.  It wasn’t a decision to be taken lightly. Especially given that several people are still working actors. Going against the flow could cost them dearly.

I don’t really care what people think of me. They can hate on me all they like. I know that I have given courage to several women to talk about their cases of sexual abuse. Not necessarily by the same man, but by victims in general. A quick search on the internet reveals thousands of people talking about the case. Whether they think I did the right thing or not, people are talking about it. People are discussing it. People are letting the skeletonss come out of the closet.  That was what I wanted. I wanted this to become something people could talk about. It shouldn’t be a dirty little secret that people are ashamed to talk about. People need to stand up and be heard.

So think of me what you will. I am still glad I told my story. I’m glad I got people to talk about sexual abuse.

For anyone still scared of going to the police, I encourage you to do so. While yes, you do have to go into every little detail, think of it as therapy. They’re there to help you.

Thank you to the Detectives of Strike Force Ruskin who took my statement.

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Thanks for the support

I’d like to say thank you to the people who sent me messages of support over the last couple of days. It was a hard decision for me to allow the story to run. It’s uncomfortable for me to dredge up the past and re-live it. Some of the personal emails I’ve received have been very touching and very appreciated.

For those of you who feel that I wasn’t “abused enough” to complain or that I’m an attention seeking whore, I truly hope nothing bad ever happens to you in life, or if it does, people don’t feel the need to email you hateful things or tweet about what an idiot you are. Hopefully someone will show you love and compassion. One of the reasons I didn’t want to do the story was a fear of people thinking I was only doing it for the publicity. I was prepared for it, but it still hurts when people send you hateful emails.

My only goal is to educate people that working as a child in the entertainment industry is not as glamorous as people think it is. It’s work, just like any other industry. (Although Child Labour laws don’t allow children to work in most other industries) I’d like to create more support for child actors, a safer environment for them to work in, and a way for them to make a smooth transition to adulthood.

So I’m sorry to those of you out there who are offended by my coming forward too many years later, or for being a whiny sook, or for actually still conducting a life and owning a business that you chose to Google and think I’m trying to get publicity for.

To those of you who have sent messages of support, THANK YOU. I appreciate you.

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About THAT article…..

Since I got an email less than an hour after WD released the article online, and I was made to feel bad about not naming the offender because it makes everyone look guilty, I’d like to say the following:

I did not go to the media looking to sell my story. They have been asking me to release my story for over 2 years now.

It obviously wasn’t a secret, since the media knew about it and came to me looking to publish the story.

The publication chose not to release his name for legal reasons. I guess they’re worried about a slander suit.

It was such a badly kept secret, that when I came back to Australia from my student exchange, the only questions I got at auditions were about that. In the end, I decided to not act anymore, since that was all anybody wanted to talk about.

I didn’t want to do the article, as it’s obviously a very personal story and I didn’t feel the need to rehash the past, but a wise person told me that if by doing the article, I can give strength to even one other person to come forward and say that it’s happening to them and it helps it stop, then I’ve done a good thing.

I know I was not the only person affected by inappropriate behavior in the entertainment industry. Many other Child Stars are abused, many far worse than I. But through a fear of not working, they don’t speak up. Instead, they end up on drugs or bad pornos. As we’ve seen in the last couple of years, many end up dying way too early. How many Former Child Stars do you see making it as normal adults? There’s a reason they’re so screwed up.

It’s not Show Play, or Show Fun, it’s Show Business and it’s not a place for unattended children.  I hope that by coming forward, I can educate some parents on making better decisions for their children. I hope that other children can find the strength to stand up for themselves.

What happened to me was NOT my fault. I’m sorry if it makes the innocent look guilty. But I’m not going to feel guilty for speaking up and breaking the silence. I just wish I had done it 20 years sooner.

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RIP Corey Haim

It’s only March, and Corey Haim is the third Former Child Star to die this year… I’m sitting at the office, trying not to openly cry at the thought of yet another great child actor who was simply used up and cast into the wind.

I’m not sure who to blame for all the pint size stars who end up struggling as adults. Is it the studios, the agents, the parents? Who was supposed to be taking care of these people, protecting them, making sure they were raised right? It seems as if the only child stars who turned out OK were the ones in John Hughes movies. He obviously treated those kids with respect and took care of them. All the others were just used up while they were cute and then tossed aside.

The hardest part about being a kid actor is you’re expected to work like an adult, behave like an adult, but still be cute like a kid. People get greedy. They are in charge of you. They don’t always do what’s in your best interest. Thankfully, these days in America, there’s some safeguards put into place to at least protect kids money, although there are ways around it. But when you’re a kid and you’ve got a tonne of money and then it’s all gone, it’s hard to go out and get a real job. Someone like Corey Haim or Macaulay Culkin can’t just go down to the local McDonald’s and get a minimum wage job. Well, they could. If they’d get hired. But then when you do get hired, it’s for the freak factor. But, after a while, the boss gets mad, because while you’re busy signing autographs, nobody is flipping those burgers. So then the boss gets mad and fires you. So now you can’t even keep a minimum wage job. No wonder some of those Former Child Stars turned to porn….

I hope no other Former Child Stars die this year. It’s making me nervous…. How many of us are going to just wind up as some byline about the trappings of fame as a youngster. Maybe more people should be working out what to do to help these kids, instead of just writing about them after they’re dead.

RIP Corey. You will be missed.

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New Website

One of the most important lessons I learnt in life came from a horse riding lesson.

Where you look, is where you’ll end up.

So, instead of looking behind me at the past, I’m looking forward to the future. It’s also important to keep looking up. If you look down, that’s where you’ll fall.

I’ll keep a section up here of the old stuff. There may be someone out there who’s interested in it… For the most part though, I’m going to turn this into my personal website and blog. Sometimes a girls just gotta have a place to vent. 😉

If you’re interested in what I’m working on this week then check out Going Down or ShrimpTank Productions.

Going Down is the Scuba Series that I’m working on. ShrimpTank is the production company behind it, which during the week does regular stuff, like SEO, Social Media Marketing and all the other stuff that goes into helping people get their 15 minutes of fame.

Check back in every now and again. I’ll be putting new stuff up all the time.

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