A Queen’s sister, a designer and a Chef

Three Celebrity deaths in one week. All by suicide.

Who knows how many more people also took their own lives this week that we didn’t read about.

Inés Zorreguieta was the sister of the Dutch Queen Maxima. Inés was a bridesmaid at her sister’s wedding to then-Dutch Crown Prince Willem-Alexander in 2002 and was godmother to their youngest of three daughters, 11-year-old Princess Ariane. She may not have been royalty herself, but I always thought it would be more fun to be on the periphery. Same parties, less scrutiny.

I never met Kate Spade, but I did admire her empire. I’ve got my own dreams of creating my a fashion house one day.

I have met Anthony Bourdain. Years ago, before I went public about the Hey Dad abuse, I had also had dreams of creating a travel series. My husband found the cash to send to to Travel Channel Headquarters in Washington DC to attend a week of what was then Travel Chanel Academy. It was a 4 day course teaching aspiring VJs on how to properly film, edit and make interesting stories. A couple of people who did the course even ended up on the network. My dream was to have a scuba travel series, that was somewhere between the quirkiness of Samantha Brown and the edginess of Anthony Bourdain. Scuba, food, adventures. Not just diving, but all the other stuff too.

On day two, Bourdain walked into our class.

He was this tall, commanding presence, and was just as sarcastic and witty in real life as he was on his show. He made a joke about how there really was an academy, and they asked him what they thought his commercials were for. He said he knew he was doing the commercials, but he didn’t know if it was legit or not, he just did what they paid him to do.

Having worked in restaurant kitchens for years, I really admired Bourdain, and it was super exciting for me to meet him in real life.

Apparently I was the only one in the class who loved Samantha Brown. They had been making fun of her show the first two days, and even Bourdain continued the joke. Given Brown had been the star of TC for so long, I’m still not sure if they enjoyed ribbing her, or if there was more to it. They were certainly trying to be more edgy at the time, and she may have been too wholesome for them now.

I ended up filming a bit of stuff for Going Down. We were putting together enough footage for a pilot and a show reel, when I was asked to go public about Robert Hughes and the Hey Dad..! stuff.

I had to decide which was more important to me. After years of not being in the industry, I was finally enjoying being back working with camera again. I was the producer, and people really responded well to me. I loved filming. I was learning to edit well. I was amazing at getting sponsors, setting up locations, and getting people to talk on camera. Other people loved the concept of the show, and I think it really could have become something.

But then there was also my responsibility as a human to talk about the past. I didn’t want to at first. I kept saying no, because like so many others in the industry, I wanted to keep forging ahead and do what was right for me.

I wondered if I couldn’t do both, so I went ahead and agreed to talk about Hey Dad..! again. At the time, we had no idea the multiple year journey ahead, and how many people would accuse me of making it up just to create publicity for Going Down.

So I ended up giving all the sponsors products back, calling people and telling them we wouldn’t be filming. I removed whole pages from the website, and most of the footage never made it to the web.

There were days when life was so miserable, I contemplated ending it all.

Somehow though, seven years later, I’m still alive, and I don’t have Going Down, or a clothing line, BUT, I am in an incredibly good place. I live with my best friend/husband on a boat, I travel often. I have an autobiography that people really seem to like, I have the drawings for my clothing should I decide to go ahead and make them, and I’m even thinking about starting to film for Going Down again. Even if it’s just a web series this time. Basically, I’m very happy.

I am so glad I found the strength to go on, even when there were days I really didn’t think I could. I want to reach out and hug all those other people who are having a dark day, and tell them to hang on. That no matter what it is, it will pass. At the end of the tunnel, there is a light, and one day, you’ll feel sunshine on your face again.

I also wish we reached out to tell people how much they mean to us before they die. Sometimes people just don’t know how much of an impact they’d had, or how much they will be missed. Bourdain wasn’t just a chef who brought the world to us every week, he was also a huge advocate for #MeToo. His girlfriend Asia Argento had been raped by Weinstein, and Bourdain was very supportive of the movement.

I have been incredibly lucky the last couple of years. There are always trolls, but I’ve also had so many lovely people reach out to me and tell me how much of a difference I’ve made in their lives. That I had an impact, that I gave them strength. They’ll never know how much their words gave me the strength to keep being strong and fighting for them. Their words to me really did make a difference.

So please, be strong. Don’t give up. Ask for help if you need it. Hug your dog, or your kid. Remember it WILL pass.

For those of you reading this who are in a good place, remember to reach out to your friends. When they’re really feeling sad, they might not ask for help, or might push you away. Know that letting them know you’re there for them really does make a difference.

These three deaths also teach us that no matter how privileged we think someone’s life is, they can still be lonely, depressed, or suffer from mental illness. Sometimes, being a celebrity can be even lonelier than a regular person. They might be surrounded by people, but they’re not always friends. So don’t assume someone has it all, and is happy and immune from stress or sadness.

I was looking for the Bourdain Travel Channel commercial, and instead I found this…. Yes, that’s me in there. I’m glad I went, and that Anthony surprised us. Maybe me finding this now is a sign I’m not meant to give up on filming.

June 3, 2018

Human First, Aboriginal second.

I moved away from Australia in the early 2000’s. It was right as the government was taking it’s first steps to say sorry to the Aboriginal people for the stolen generation.

As I’ve watched Australia from afar, it seemed like the country was taking great steps to right past wrongs, to embrace the indigenous community, and provide more assistance for Aboriginals to go back to a more traditional way of life in their communities, or provide them with education in the cities if they chose.

As someone who had been gone for about 15 years, I was impressed at how much things had changed when I returned home last year, and at a Film Festival, each person stood up to speak, and the first thing they said was they wanted to acknowledge the traditional holders of the land, named the local tribe, and then moved on. At first, I was like “Wow. I could not have imagined this when I left all those years ago. We’ve really changed.” But as three people spoke in a row, and all recited the same verse, it felt a little less genuine, and more like people feeling the need to be PC and grandstand about how enlightened they were. Or were afraid if they didn’t also say it, they would be seen as somehow racist. It’s not really a change in mentality if it’s not genuine, you’re just saying something because you have to.

Then, more recently, there was discussion about child abuse issues within Aboriginal communities, and whether children should be placed with other indigenous people, or if they could be fostered by white people. (Or anyone outside the Aboriginal community) I noted that several networks discussed the topic, but it seemed to go under the radar until Sunrise had the discussion of how to tackle it. They asked whether it was better to leave a child with an abusive community, or whether it was better to take a child and move them to a place outside the community, and the whole thing blew up into people protesting that Sunrise was advocating for another Stolen Generation.

With the news this week that another young child has been raped in Tennant Creek, and my own interest in preventing child abuse, I went down a rabbit hole of trying to work out how you can try to help prevent child abuse in Aboriginal communities, while not provoking another stolen generation.

As I read further about sexual assault against children in places like Alice Springs, and the amazing amount of violence against women in the Aboriginal community, (Aboriginal women and children are 45 times more likely to be victims of domestic violence than non-Aboriginal women, and eight times more likely to be murdered.) what struck me was the amount of times an offender was let off because it was a “cultural issue”. Countless times, when an Aboriginal man raped a child or beat a woman, he got off by claiming it was his right as an Aboriginal Man to do so.

Judges have been scared to interfere with the community, especially given the terror over black deaths in custody, or to be seen as being unfairly biased against black men.

But what about Aboriginal Women? Why are we saying it’s OK for Aboriginal Men to beat women because it’s “their culture” and we don’t listen to the Aboriginal Women who say it’s not part of the traditional culture, it’s just that their men or drunk or high, and violent?

Are we really telling Aboriginal women that they don’t count when it comes to culture or traditions. That it’s only what the men say it is? Are we really dismissing an entire half of a race?

Can you look at a child who has been gang raped, and tell her that you’re sorry she was beaten, raped, given an STD, but there’s nothing you can do about it because the men who did it told you it was OK because it’s just their way? That you’re not going to move her to a safer place to live, or provide her with any protection because it’s just a part of being an Aboriginal? Or if you do move her, it’s going to be to another community with the same problems, but with different people to abuse her? That she should just get used to it, because he whole life is going to be the same?

Aboriginal culture hasn’t always been violent. Yes, there has been a tradition of arranged marriages, and like any culture, there has always been incest, rape and murder. However, back then, young women in marriages were protected by co-wives and other family members. Before current housing styles, camps were open air, and other people could see violent acts, and step in and protect women and children. Communities self policed.

Now, Aboriginals are policed by white man’s laws, which have traditionally been favourable to the men, and not women or children. Double that down with a white judge who doesn’t know what is truly acceptable in traditional Aboriginal culture, and it’s never going to end well for indigenous women and children.

I honestly have no idea what the answer here is. I don’t know whether Aboriginals should have their own tribal justice system separate to that of the white man, like many Native American communities. I don’t know whether there should be a court system that has judges trained in Aboriginal ways, or whether we need to do more training with the women so they can educate us on their version of Aboriginal culture, that doesn’t give men a free pass to rape and murder. I don’t know how we protect Aboriginal women and children without moving them out of their communities, or how we create equality and education within it. I really don’t know what the answer is, but I think the first step is to have a conversation about it.

However, I’m not sure in the current climate we can even discuss what the appropriate actions should be, since any time the subject is brought up, it creates a war for the SJWs who think being PC is more important than protecting a child from rape, disease and murder. It’s racist to treat people differently because of their colour, but that’s exactly what we’re being when we have a different set of rules on how we police them.

I think the best course of action is to remember that these are people. It shouldn’t matter what color, religion, race or culture someone comes from. If they’re in danger, we need to help them. Being a human should count before being any other designation.

Something has to be done. It’s going to be uncomfortable for a lot of people, and I’m sure many will be offended. But if we don’t go through the hard part of having discussions, and that means discussing ALL options, we can never find a solution. Right now, people aren’t even able to talk about how to deal with it, for fear of backlash. That’s not helping anyone.

If you truly care for the Aboriginal people as much as you say you do in your little speeches, you’ll accept that we all need to stop treating them as a special category, and recognizing that Aboriginal women and children should be protected just like white women and children. (Which isn’t nearly as good as it should be, but it’s still a step above what they’re getting.)

So next time someone brings up a subject you think might not be PC, or is uncomfortable, before you shut it down, ask yourself whether that’s really helpful. Or, ask yourself if your discomfort is more or less than the child being gang raped….

April 24, 2018

Allegedly now available on iTunes

Great news!

So many of you have been asking for an eBook version of Allegedly, and it’s now available for download on iTunes! Just click the book below and it will take you straight to it.

Thanks so much to everyone who has supported me and my journey, and everyone who has read my book. I hope it brought you a little bit of joy, even with all the sad bits in there.

March 20, 2018

Sheep in the Air

What does a dead puppy say about sheep?

We’ve all heard the news by now. A puppy was forced into an overhead bin on a United Airlines flight, and it died.

The universe rightly went into a meltdown, although it was interesting watching the different reasons for it.

Half the people put all the blame on the flight attendant, who was adamant the woman put her dog in the overhead locker. Then there was a bunch of people who also held the owner to blame, asking why she didn’t stand her ground. Then there was all the people who hate dogs, and wondered why it was on a flight to begin with.

Now, it’s early days, and I’m sure there’s more to the original story. There’s always a couple different spins, but given that United has actually taken blame for it, I’m guessing the FA was at fault here.

Here’s the thing about the US. They are very dog friendly. Much more so than Australia. A dog isn’t something bought for the kids, and left in the backyard. It’s a member of the pack. People treat them like family, because, they are. If you’re not willing to treat your dog like a child, then I suggest you don’t get one. Your dog depends on you. It loves you. It basically lives for you, just like your human children do. You need to feed it, groom it, provide it with shelter, and just like a human child, teach it manners. You might have a lot of people in your life, but your dog basically just has you. So treat it with the respect it deserves.

In the US, many hotels are pet friendly, there are restaurants that have special doggie menus, and generally, it’s just way more dog inclusive, especially in the more affluent areas.

There’s pampered pets, then you’ve got dogs with jobs.

A lot of people don’t understand the difference between Service Dogs, Therapy Dogs and Emotional Support Animals.

Basically, it’s about what it does, and what rights you have with it.

A service dog performs a service. Most people immediately recognise a seeing eye dog, but many people don’t know that there’s literally donzens of different types of service dogs, and not all people’s disabilites are visible. There are dogs for people with epilepsy. The dogs can sense before a seizure, and alert the owner, giving them time to find a better spot, or seek assistance. There are dogs for diabetics, who can sniff when their owners blood sugar is low. There are hearing dogs, for people who are both completely deaf, or like me, partially deaf. The dog will alert their owner of sounds, and can lead them to it. Whether it’s the timer on the stove, or a fire alarm. There are dogs that help service members with PTSD. The dog can see when their owner is getting agitated, and redirects them. They can also wake them from nightmares. There are so many more examples, it’d need a post just for that…

Except for the blind person, none of these other people have visible disabilites, yet they all use service dogs. You can’t tell by them walking down the street if they have a service dog, or are just a person walking their pet, and a lot of people with disabilites like it that way.

Just like all disabilites are different, so are the animals. People always think of golden retrievers or german shepards, but it’s not a requirement. In England one of the biggest hearing dogs training facilites uses poodles. A seizure or diabetic dog can be any breed, as long as it’s well trained. “Small yappy dogs” can actually make exceptional service animals.

Then there are therapy dogs. You might have seen one at a nursing home, or at a trauma center. They even have them at some airports now. These dogs are basically like furry therapists. It’s been shown that petting an animal can lower a persons blood pressure, and relieve stress. So these guys are out there to help people feel good. They work with lots of different people, and have to have a very loving temperament, and be good at meeting lots of new people.

Then there’s an emotional support animal. This is an animal that is basically a pet, but provides their owner with comfort. It’s like a personal shrink.

Now, in the US, a service dog has legally protected status. Well, technically the owner is protected under the ADA (Americans with Disabilites Act) They can take their service animal with them anywhere they go, including restaurants, supermarkets and airplanes. They can live in places with no animal policies, and they can fly for free with their owners.

There is no requirement for the animal to have been trained in a special facility, although many are. It’s very expensive though, and many people successfully train their own service anials to their specific needs. So many people have been faking service animals though, that the FAA has made it so you now have to show some sort of training to fly with your dog. It can fly at your feet or on your lap and doesn’t need to be in a carrier.

A therapy dog has obedience training, and has to pass veterinary tests before it can be used in a public setting. They don’t have any rights on aircraft.

An ESA is a pet. It has no rights, except for when people get a letter from a psychiatrist or therapist stating they need their dog with them when they fly. It dog doesn’t need to stay in a carrier, since you theoretically need the dog where you can access it while flying. They get to fly for free, but you do have to contact the airline at least 48 hrs in advance to let them know you have an ESA, and provide a copy of the letter.

Then there are pets. Depending on the airline, most dogs under 20 lbs (about 9kg) can fly with you in the cabin, in an approved carrier, for a fee. Most airlines charge between $100 – $200 for a pet fee, each way. They also count as one of your carry on bags. It has to fit in under the seat in front of you, and you cannot take the dog out of the bag at any time during the flight.

It’s expensive, and the reason so many people are faking service and therapy dogs is probably because it is so expensive. If airlines made it cheaper, people would probably pay to fly their dog. There’s also a limit on how many dogs can be on each flight. Most airlines max out at 5. They also know in advance when a dog is on a flight, so people who do have allergies can request an animal free flight.

Now, people complain about dogs on flights, but honestly, I’ve never had a problem with a pet on a flight. It’s inside a bag, so it’s not spreading dander everywhere. It’s not running around and slobbering on anyone, and it’s definately not biting anyone. I can’t same the same thing for some children.

Genuine service animals are a delight. They are so well behaved, unless you saw it, you probably wouldn’t know it was on a flight with you. They are always well groomed, never beg for treats, go up to strangers, or annoy anyone. If you see a service animal, please don’t go up and try to pet it. It’s working. Leave it be to focus on it’s owner, no matter how adorable it is.

The ESAs are usually the problem. Not all, but some. Most people have well trained dogs, keep them groomed, and keep them contained in their lap. Other people though have dogs that really should be kept in a carrier, but there’s a lot of selfish entitled people out there, and they don’t really care if their dog bothers anyone.

Larger dogs can be put in the cargo hold, but only certain breeds of dogs. Snub nose dogs like pugs, boston terriers, etc cannot fly in the hold. It’s also weather dependant. It can get very hot or very cold, and most carriers won’t take dogs in the hold in the middle of summer or winter. It’s not safe. Dogs don’t have an inner ear like humans, so unlike us, they don’t need to pop their ears in flight. So while that baby is crying (understandably) the dog is just fine.

Dogs are so frequent now that many airports are putting in designated Pet Relief Areas so that you can take them potty between flights, without having to go outside security.

Which all brings me back to the puppy on United.

A lot of people are complaining about dogs on planes, and especially about service/ESA dogs. Apart from the fact that ESA dogs are giving service dogs a bad name, and making it difficult for people with service dogs, there’s actually no reason to bring that up with this particular dog. There is no indication that it was passed off as a service or ESA dog. It was brought on as a pet, inside an approved carrier. The dog wasn’t bothering anyone, except apparently the flight attendant, who may have been tired of fake service animals or ESAs. Or they just didn’t like dogs. Or were on a power trip. We don’t know.

But given this woman PAID to take her dog on board, inside an approved carrier, shows that she was genuinly trying to do the right thing. She spent money to do the right thing. She had a child and a small baby with her as well as the puppy. She was probably already overwhelmed traveling with a kid and an infant, without some FA fighting with her over a dog.

Which brings me to the sheep.

Other people on this flight watched this happen. They saw a woman with a child, a baby, and a dog. They saw the FA fighting with her. They watched the mother stand up for her pet, before finally relenting. She probably didn’t want to get dragged off the flight. United doesn’t have a good track record with people or animals, and she was probably scared.

But what about the other passengers? Are we all so passive now that nobody thought about standing up to the FA? Did anyone else think to speak back to them and just watched as the dog was put in an airless bin? Did nobody else think about what they would do if it was their own dog? People said they heard the dog barking, and then it stopped. Why didn’t anyone help her get the dog back down again once they took off?

People are sheep. They are so scared of the wolf, they won’t step out on their own. But if we stand as a pack, if multiple people stand up, they can’t hurt us all. Even if one or two other people had stepped up and said something, this situation could have been prevented. Someone could have called for the captain. They have the ultimate say on a flight, and I’m guessing they wouldn’t have been ok with a dog being shoved up above.

If we won’t stand up for a dog, who else won’t we stand up for? I’m tired of people standing by and watching bad things happen, and not having the balls to step up and say something. Yes, sometimes it comes with risk, but what happens when you’re the one who needs someone to stand up and help you? Do you accept that people won’t, or do you hope someone else will take a chance on doing the right thing?

If you see a scared young girl on a flight, do you check up on her, and make sure she’s ok, or do you just think, “it’s none of my business” and keep going. How do you reconcile that later when you find out she was a human trafficking victim? Or that she was a minor flying alone, and the guy sitting next to her was touching her inappropriately?

It costs you nothing to be a good person. It free to give someone a smile. It takes a minute to give someone a comforting word, and ask if they need help. Be the hero in someone’s story. Don’t be the one to post a picture on Instagram crying saying you did nothing.

Maya in her TSA carrier. She loved traveling with us.

March 5, 2018

The Academy doesn’t care about kids

The pinnacle of awards season, the Oscars, was last night.

I didn’t watch. I had no desire to watch a bunch of people who live in gated communities, wearing gifted gowns and jewellery, get up on stage and pat each other on the back between political speeches.

The Oscars have descended into the most boring political event on television. I was especially wary this year about the hypocrisy of the #MeToo and #TimesUp movement. If I had to watch Meryl give a speech about standing up for women in the industry after seeing her give a standing ovation to Roman Polanski just a few years before she called Weinstein God, I may have punched the television.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no beef with #MeToo or #TimesUp. I think both are long overdue. I’m glad we’re standing up. But, at the same time, why are we giving such loud voices to those who weren’t really with us before, and we’re totally ignoring those who were actually screaming for help and equality before it became the cause du jour?

The Coogan Law, which protects the money children earn while working in entertainment, is only enacted in four US states. California, New York, Louisiana and New Mexico. Meanwhile, Georgia has become the new hub of the movie industry. No child labor laws or money worries there. And don’t get me started on reality TV….

Minors employed as actors or performers in motion pictures or theatrical productions, or in radio or television productions are exempt from Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA) coverage. Therefore, FLSA rules regarding total allowable number of work hours in one day and allowable times of day to work do not apply. Basically, this means that while you can’t have your kids work in your restaurant, on the farm, or thankfully send your kids to work in a sweatshop, you can have them working at 2am, in the freezing cold, on a movie set.

So basically, you can work the hell out of kids on set, and they’re not even guaranteed to keep any of that money they’re working so hard for.

While Paul Petersen and Alison Arngrim have been fighting in the trenches, going to Washington DC, campaigning for safer environments for kids, where were all these A List stars? There are minors working on so many films. Where were their co-stars when kids were being abused? I don’t see any of them trying to help enact laws, trying to make change. They’re calling for safer places for adult women, but they still don’t seem to worry too much about the small kids working with them on set. The little people who actually need help and protection from other people. They haven’t learnt to speak up for themselves yet. Or worse, because they’re kids, they’re told to be seen and not heard.

Then, last night, the Oscars confirmed they don’t give a shit about kids.

I woke up to all my friends on FB talking about the “In Memoriam” section. It’s always controversial, and people are always left out. But there was two that were particularly glaring.

Heather Menzies, who played Louisa Von Trapp in the Sound of Music was snubbed. This makes her the second of the Von Trapp kids forgotten by the academy.

Maybe it was an oversight. Maybe the academy felt she wasn’t in enough films to warrant a mention. Maybe they felt she was better known as a TV actress, since she went on to a lot of television. Still, Sound of Music is a pretty timeless classic, so one would expect a star of that film to get a moment.

But then there’s Rose Marie.

Rose Marie started her career in 1929, the year the Oscars started. She was at the first one, with her first film. She has been working ever since. That’s right, she had been a working actress for 90 years. She was so famous, she doesn’t even need a last name.

In 1951, she had her musical numbers cut from the film Top Banana, after she refused a producers sexual advances. She later said it was thankfully the only time she had experienced sexual harassment in her nine decades in the industry. She was however active on Twitter, offering support to other women who had experienced harassment.

But after 90 years of singing, acting and dancing, you’d think you’d at least get a mention in the “In Memoriam” right? Well, maybe someone forgot her? Maybe the people choosing the names were too young to know her. Um, no. Her former publicist submitted her name three times to the Academy to make sure she wasn’t forgotten.

So was it a mistake? Was it a snub? Was it because she had publicly outed a producer all those years ago? Or was it because she started out as “Baby Rose Marie” and people who start as kids never seem to get remembered. – They also forgot to include Corey Haim back when he passed.

Here’s the thing, if you want kids in your movie, then you’ve got to give them the same courtesies you give adults.

Fair pay, a safe workplace, and some respect. If you can’t give them that while they’re working, at least light a candle for them when they go.

If you’re wondering if there’s anything you can do to help kids on set, look into charities like A Minor Consideration. Paul Petersen started AMC with the intent to change laws, and help those ones who have already been through it all.

May 23, 2017

Who do you believe in?

All the deities are bullshit.

I just don’t understand people killing in the name of some magical sky fairy that no one alive has ever actually seen. All this “my god is the only true god” makes no sense.

They used to slaughter people to appease Xolotl. Not anymore.

How do you know your God even exists, let alone is the “one true God’? There have been over 2000 different “gods” throughout history. Do you think yours is the only real one because your parents told you he is? The same parents who told you about the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus? Why is it as we grow up being lied to by our parents about these mythical beings in order to keep up well behaved, it’s ok to find out they’re not real, but we keep up the facade about deities? They are also made up to keep people in line. But we have laws and courts now. We don’t need organised religion to rule the masses.

What we really don’t need, is people thinking their special invisible friend is the one and only special invisible friend, and going around trying to slaughter other people who choose to believe is a slightly different invisible friend.

People used to believe in Zues. Apparently he fell out of favour for some newer trendier Gods. — People used to believe in Zeus. Apparently he fell out of favour for some newer trendier Gods.

If the whole point of religion is to teach people peace, and love, and compassion, then you’re all failing miserably at it. Whether you’re a christian, muslim or believe in Zeus. (To be fair, I can’t remember the last time someone who believed in Zeus killed someone for them, or refused to bake someone a cake, or picketed a funeral)

I get that some people find comfort in religion. Some people need that belief that there’s something bigger and more powerful than them. They need someone to blame when shit goes wrong, and someone to thank when things go right.

I choose to believe in myself. I know I have power within me, and I don’t need to believe in something that I can’t see, hear, taste or feel to give me the strength to carry on.

I don’t need to donate money to a church thinking I’m helping feed the less fortunate, when in reality they’re simply going to build a bigger church, or buy the pastor a new plane or to pay off some sexual assault victims. Actually, I’m ok with the church giving compensation to victims, I’m not OK with them needing to do it in the first place. The church has been protecting their own for too long, using the name of some “magic deity” to rape and torture kids. Not that that’s new either. They used to go into whole countries and kill people off if they didn’t convert. (Which appears to be happening again)

Osiris, another God people no longer believe in.

Basically, if you need an invisible friend, then have at it. Cherish them. Love them. Whatever. But keep it to yourself. Don’t try to convert others. Don’t try to tell others that your god is better than their god, and for fucks sake, don’t go around killing people in the name of your god.

May 22, 2017May 22, 2017

SUP! Stand Up Paddleboarding.

I tried Stand Up Paddleboarding.

Before we moved to Florida, I had a whole list of things I was going to do. One of them was Stand Up Paddleboarding. I had seen people doing SUP on manatee tours, and I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

I’m pretty lazy though, and I never really got around to it.

Until today.

We moved onto our boat about three months ago, and it was still pretty chilly. But the last few weeks have been glorious. It’s sometimes nice and calm in the morning, but then it gets choppy in the afternoon. This morning though was just perfect. It was warm, the water was still, and you could actually see the bottom today. Our little cove is normally cloudy with silt.

We’ve made friends with the guys who have a little boat rental stand at the end of the marina. We were all in the hot tub the other night, and one of them was trying to convince me I can get in the water and clean my own boat bottom. I’m not totally convinced yet, but I’ll get there eventually.

This morning, I looked out, and thought, perfect day to try paddleboarding. As I walked up the pier, they boat rental guy was fishing. I asked if he caught anything, and he said no. Then he asked me if I had tried Stand Up Paddleboarding yet. It was like I had put my thought out into the world, and someone answered it.

So 10 minutes later, he’s showing me how to get on the board and paddle. I got right on, and I guess all those gymnastics lessons as a kid paid off, ’cause my balance was good, and I didn’t fall. I paddled all over our marina, and even managed to crouch down on my knees and stand back up again a couple times to go under the docks. They even gave me a bottle of water which I sat on the board and it never fell off. Granted, it was super calm, and I only got the waves from one boat, but I was pretty impressed with myself!

SUP demonstration. Getting the basics of how to balance and paddle

Stepping aboard. I just stepped right on there. No crawling on and standing up for me!

Striking a pose. I was excited I had managed to paddle around a corner for a photo!

So nice and calm, I paddled all the way out.

If you’re in Stuart or Jupiter, and want to try Paddleboarding, Kayaking or Jetskiing, go to Beach Water Sports. Super cool peeps.

May 22, 2017May 22, 2017

We got a boat!

Life on the Water

As some of you know, Matt and I have spent the last couple of years in an RV. (A caravan for the Aussie’s) We’ve had them for years. We had a Class C when Matt was travelling full time. We sold that, and then when I took a post on the Texas border with the guard, I got myself a cute airstream. When Matt joined me, we got a toy hauler, which we then traded in for a 5th wheel. We then moved to Florida, and spent a year in the RV. Then one day, I looked at Matt, and asked how he would feel about living on a boat.

I figured I’d have to talk about boats for a couple years before he warmed to it, but all he said was “sounds expensive, show me it’s doable” so I showed him numbers, and it turned out a boat slip in Florida was pretty comparable to an RV slip. So we started looking.

After a few months, we found our girl. So we went from this to this.

We’ve been aboard about 3 months now, and it’s awesome! There’s this constant gentle rocking, that can put you to sleep in you’re not careful. There’s always a beautiful view. We get new neighbors all the time. There’s dolphins swimming around the marina every couple of days. It truly is the best move we’ve made.

I made a little video tour so you can all see the inside. Hope you enjoy it.

She’s a 2007 Meridian 411, with twin cummings diesel engines. She’s 41 ft long, (46 LOA) 14’2″ ft wide, and has a 3’9″ draft. Two staterooms, one full bath, one wet bath.

We haven’t had the name put on the back yet, but it’s “No Kids”. That’s not only why we can afford her, but it’s also the rule….

April 26, 2017April 26, 2017

Vale Erin Moran

The indignity of dying away from the spotlight.

This week, the world lost Erin Moran. Erin was best known as Joanie from Happy Days, and then Joanie Loves Chachi.

A lot of my friends simply knew her as Erin, a fellow former child star, and good friend.

I never got to meet Erin personally, as like me, she didn’t live in LA. She had stepped away from the spotlight, and moved to Indiana. She did keep in touch with all of her friends in LA though. Many of them knew she had cancer, as Erin had told them, but asked them not to share it with the world.

Erin, like many of us, went through some rough patches. ALL of us have had shitty moments, or bad times. The difference when you’re famous is, is that the whole world knows about it. There’s something about being a child star that the tabloids are just drawn to when it comes to having a bad moment. I think some editors find it orgasmic to show a Disney star looking drunk, or being sloppy. They expect us to have drug problems, DUI’s and bad relationships. If you’re one of the many child stars who move on and go about life quietly, there’s almost a sheer disdain for how boring you are. Places like TMZ would have you believe that every child actor is a train wreck, but in reality, there are hundreds that end up just fine. You just don’t hear about them. But if you’re a kid star that fucks up even once, the public is going to hear about it forever. That one night that most people can hide and move on from will come back and haunt you constantly. People will bring it up over and over. In Erin’s case, even when she died.

Erin died of cancer. She knew she had it. Her friends knew she had it. The public didn’t though, and neither did the tabloids. So when she died, the media immediately brought up her past, and speculated that she died broke and penniless and from a drug overdose. These days, it’s not about getting the story right, it’s about being first. Fuck the memory of the person you’re covering, and screw the feelings of her friends and family.

Its tragic that as a child star, you can’t even die with dignity.

Its sad for Erin. It’s also a sobering moment for all the other child actors out there. Watching the speculation over Erin, I imagine every other child actor having that moment of “when I die, will they bring up every bad moment of my past?”

Child actors are people too. We have feelings. We have souls. We have good days and bad days, just like regular people. (Cause we ARE people, we just had jobs as kids)

Just because someone no longer works in Hollywood doesn’t mean they can’t work anymore. Many actually choose to leave, and they also choose not to share every moment of their lives with the world. We should respect that. We should also respect that when someone dies, we say nice things about them, like we do all the other people you know, and not assume they bottomed out and died disgracefully.

Don’t be like Scott Baio and put your foot in your mouth when a former co-worker dies. Even if they DID once have a problem, you can still be polite. It’s hard when someone sticks a microphone in your face before you know the facts, but maybe take a deep breath, say something kind, and sit back and wait for the truth. You don’t need to be the asshole.

It’s only April, and I’m sure there will be more celebrity deaths this year. Maybe we can all honor Erin’s memory by learning from the coverage of her death, and be a little nicer to the next person who goes.

RIP Erin. May all your future days be happy.

February 22, 2017

Pedophilia and Politics

Politics of Pedophilia

Normally when one talks about politics and pedophilia, we think of politicians and the allegations of them engaging in pedophilia. Most recently with a girl accusing Trump of molesting her, and of the multiple trips that the Clintons took to “pedophile island” with Jeffrey Epstein, or of Pizzagate, or of the accounts of Fiona Barnett and the pedophile ring involving many Australian politicians, or the sheer amount of people knighted by the Queen who are later tainted with the accusations of partaking in sex with minors.

There are all kinds of conspiracy theories about people climbing the ranks being brought into a situation that involved sex with kids, in order that later on it can be used against them, there’s also theories that birds of a feather flock together, or that people congregate to places where they have access to kids and won’t be questioned. Either way, that’s not the focus of my rant today.

Instead, I want to talk about how politics is being used on the victims this week.

Milo Yiannopoulos is obviously a very polarizing figure. People either love him or hate him, and many do it without ever having actually heard the man speak. As with most things, the media has an opinion on him, and tells the public what to think, and the sheeple go along with it, without ever researching him to discover whether the guy is taking sense, or is as they say, a complete asshole. I don’t really care what you think of him, as long as your opinion is based on having actually listened to the man, and not just what you’ve been told.

Milo is brash, and not PC at all, and he’s clearly a threat to the establishment. People love to hate him. Many of the elite fear him, because while saying things people may not like, he is very articulate, he’s polite, he lets people ask questions, and he can actually respond without yelling or calling people names. Well, he does sometimes call people things, but not the same way that trolls on the internet do.

This week, he’s had video from a late night interview he did over a year ago resurface. In it, he was talking about his first sexual encounter with a priest. He was about 14 at the time, and he said in the video that he wasn’t going to name the priest involved. The left has now trotted out the video to claim that Milo was all for lowering the age of consent, that he is protecting pedophiles, that because he witnesses inappropriate things happen in Hollywood, that perhaps he partakes in these events.

After people were upset that Milo was targeted by the left, and being used as a pawn to get to Trump, the other side has now gone after poster boy for the left, George Takei. George, who is also openly gay, and loves to hate on all things Trump, also has done interviews discussing how he was given a hand job at the age of 14 at summer camp. These are now resurfacing, in a tit for tat game by the people who think that bringing up people’s sexual past is ok when it comes to politics.

What BOTH sides fail to recognise is that underage sexual encounters are much more complex than simply having a sexual encounter, and at some point discussing it on radio/television. People also don’t understand the nature of media interviews, and how things can come out wrong, or people trying to put on a brave face, or even the fact that many victims of childhood sexual abuse may be in denial of the fact that they were molested, and laugh and joke around about their experience as a coping mechanism. A lot of people who have a sexual experience in their early teens don’t understand the adult implications of sexual contact with an adult. There’s a reason there’s an age of consent. Teens are learning about their own sexuality, they’re developing feelings, they’re becoming curious. They may want to explore those feelings, and yes, they may initiate sexual activity with an adult. It’s the adults job however to recognize what is going on, and say NO. A lot of adults don’t, and they take advantage of that sexual naivete, and while some people may be fine with the experience, others may regret it. Some may be confused, but don’t want to acknowledge what happened, or may turn the encounter around in their minds to make it seem like they were in control the whole time. There’s a myriad of coping mechanisms, and more importantly, there’s no right or wrong way. We are all different, and we all cope differently. Which means we all have no right to judge how someone else deals with a situation. People like to proclaim that they’d act a certain way in a given situation, but when tested, act completely differently. We have no right to judge how Milo, or George, or any other victim of childhood sexual predation deals with it. It’s downright disgusting that we’re now using these people to further a political agenda. Milo was forced to resign from Breitbart, and it’s too early to tell if there will be fallout for George.

I don’t want to hear any comments about how either of them won’t name names, because in the US there’s a statute of limitations. Without proof, the victim can end up being the one who goes to jail for defamation or slander. Either one might say something quietly to the police, without announcing it loudly for a lynch mob to dispense vigilante style justice. I also don’t want to hear about how they were joking around about their experiences. Both were discussing them on very long interviews, (Milo’s was a 3 hr interview FFS) and the point of both interviewers is to get stuff out of people that hasn’t been heard before. Laughing is a common thing when you’re nervous. My husband keeps telling me not to giggle when I talk about Robert. I still do it. I try to laugh the whole thing off, because that’s how I handle stress.

At this point I’ve lost respect for both sides of the political spectrum. I expect politicians to play dirty, but I expect the public to play nice. Everyone needs to just sit back, let the people who are paid to do their jobs get along with what they’re doing, and it’s our job to be nice to each other. We need to stop attacking each other, and seeing who can set the bar even lower by attacking each other openly and with such hostility.

Stop the he said, she said bullshit. Stop airing dirty laundry. Stop trying to stop the system. Let the politicians do their thing, and let’s focus on being good human beings. None of us are going to win a prize for tearing each other apart.