Overcome the Hate

Prince Philip died today, and among the outpouring of grief, was a surprising amount of hate, which made me think about the things people like to hate each other over.

The last couple of years we’ve had the #BLM movement, #MeToo and now #StopAsianHate. There’s been a bunch of other hashtag movements in there, as if human kind is going to suddenly change its ways because of a viral thing on Twitter.

Just like Kay says in Men in Black, “A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet.”

People are also alternately peace loving creatures, and horribly violent. People have hated other people for their color, their religion, their clan or their last name for millennia. People have fought wars over chosen deities since they were invented. They’re still doing it. People like to pretend it’s only still happening in places like the middle east, but as brief ago as the 90’s, the Catholics and Protestants were blowing each other up in the middle of the street in Ireland.

The 90’s also brought us the Bosnian War. There was raping, ethnic cleaning, some genocide. People fighting over land and religion.

Myanmar is having a conflict right now. Hopefully it won’t be like their last genocidal campaign, but people are people, and a lot more people will probably die before it’s resolved.

Between wars, conflicts, and genocidal campaigns, we’ve got mass murders, gang warfare, serial killers and various other forms of hate happening around the world.

On a smaller scale, people from NSW make fun of QLDs, people from Melbourne shit on people from Sydney.

Basically, humans aren’t nearly as peace loving as we like to pretend to be. Or maybe, as we aspire to be.

We’ve had periods of enlightenment. Times where people have collectively simmered down, and tried really hard to be cordial to each other. Times when peace and civility reigned. We like to cling on to those times, and I think that’s part of the appeal of shows like Brigerton. There’s sex and gossip, but people are generally well mannered, even if they are being forced to marry people they’d rather not.

Social media is a mixed bag when it comes to how we show our humanity. I think it really depends on who you follow, as to what you see, but that’s where we can create change.

If you’re following a bunch of people who are happy, cheerful, who spread love, you’re likely to feel that joy yourself, and will in turn pass it on.

If you’re an unhappy person, who follows a bunch of other unhappy people who spout hate, you’re going to live that. You’re going to pass it on. If all your friends are racist, you’re probably going to learn to be racist. If your friends are all believers in everyone being equal, you’re more likely to get the message that we should all love not only others, but ourselves.

And this is where it really matters. It’s how people feel about themselves that they then project out onto others in the world.

Right now people are focused on Asian hate. We’re listening to people of Asian descent talk about the hate and predjudice they’re experiencing. Before that it’s was black people. Before that it was people who had been sexually assaulted.

They’re ALL valid, and we should absolutely listen to everyone who speaks up. But I want people who feel like they’re being picked on to know that they’re not alone. They’re not being picked on more, or less, than anyone else.

At some point, we’ve all been targeted. Redheads get called Ranga, which still seems to be acceptable, even though you’re comparing them to a primate, which is completely taboo when it comes to comparing a black person and an ape. It’s accepted to make fun of short people, but not actual little people. At 4’11, or 150cms, I’m not legally a little person, but I’ve heard every short joke imaginable. Same as when I was a blond.

Australia has always enjoyed tall poppy syndrome, which is also a form of hating someone different from you. But it’s ok to punch up, so it’s accepted. Rich or successful people apparently don’t have feelings, so it’s totally OK to call them names, or send them threats, or physically assault them in the street. People shit on actors and models all the time, because they’ve chosen a public life, so they’re inviting the hate.

Anyone who speaks up about sexual assault deserves hundreds of pages of stuff written about them, calling them names and suggesting threats of harm, because they spoke up.

When I was an exchange student, people in Honduras assumed I was an American, and threw racist insults at me for that.

At all parts of my life, I’ve had people pick on me, or insult me, or send me threats, because of who or what other people thought I was. Notice I didn’t say because of who I was, but because of who the other person thought I was. I say that, because if people actually know someone, they don’t hurl that kind of hate. (Well, sometimes they do, but it’s not generally racist or religious type stuff)

When people target you because of something shallow and superficial like race, hair color, height, the clothes you wear, it actually says very little about you, and a whole lot about them.

People have always felt small and inferior, and they try to make themselves feel better by throwing shade on someone else. It’s a very temporary form of making yourself feel better though, so they have to do it more and more. Eventually, they can just become a hateful person. But while they see that hate directed outwards, it’s really just directed inwards.

If some middle class white person makes fun of your because of your culture, they’re probably just jealous, because let’s face it, white people don’t really have a whole lot of culture to cling to. While many places have kept their traditional food and dress, white people keep updating themselves, and nobody (except the Irish with Riverdance) is going around holding onto the waltz or wearing fancy dresses while sipping high tea. There’s nothing wrong with constantly updating yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your traditions, they’re just different, and people should accept and embrace that. It goes both ways though. While many cultures have embraced modern western culture, westerners are chided for “appropriating” other cultures. This is just creating more divide and hate. Instead of claiming its appropriation, maybe see it as cultural appreciation. Just like it’s OK for a young Japanese person to wear 501’s and converse, it should be Ok for a white person to don a yukata by the pool.

If everyone assumed other people came from a place of good intent, instead of thinking their being hated on, there would be more fun banter, and less cold insults.

Instead of thinking people are picking on me for my height, I co-opted the name Shrimp, and I see that people are engaging with me. I AM short, there’s nothing I can do about it. But I can choose to not be angry when someone mentions it. If someone is being obviously hurtful about it, I ignore it. I know it’s not really about me, they’re just looking for something to start something with, and that’s an overly obvious choice. I think it’s lazy, and I can choose to not engage, or, turn it around. I don’t need to challenge it, but I can ask them something about themselves. Gauge how they react to that. Don’t insult them back. Just ask a gentle question. Sometimes that’s all it takes to make someone back down. If they’re looking for a fight, and you don’t give them one, they’ll move on. If they’re just looking for attention, you’ve given it to them, and now that you’re engaging them, they’ll see you as a person, not just a race, or religion, or whatever they’re insulting.

People are so many things, but we’re also simple, and we usually notice one thing first. That’s why we dress in Blue or Maroon, so we know instantly who to throw the insults to, and who are “own people” are.

Long rambling story short, keep telling your stories. Keep listening to other people’s stories. Sharing them lets people know that we’re all human, and that we all have feelings, and that we’ve probably all said something that hurt somebody else’s feelings. Don’t feel like you’re alone, or you’re the only person being targeted. Remember whether you’re black, Asian, redhead, white, muslim, jew, Christian, gay, straight, trans, tall or short, you’ve all had some idiot say something mean to you. Look outside your bubble, and see that everyone is getting hated on. Not to minimize your feelings, but to know that there’s other people out there that share what you’re going through. Stand up for them next time some idiot says something hateful to them.

If you want to see how far hate online goes, just look at the threads today over Prince Philip. It takes a special kind of self hating fuckwit to rejoice in the death of someone who was forced into exile as a child, and then went on to devote their entire life to their adopted country. He was basically a refugee, then a war hero, and then played second fiddle to his wife, and people are still insulting him online. Philip wasn’t always the most eloquent guy, and he put his foot in his mouth several times over the years, but realistically, who wouldn’t over the course of 99 years? I’ve said plenty of things I regret over my 44 years, but I try to learn from it, and become a better person.

So next time someone insults you, know that they’re just a deeply unhappy person who doesn’t know you at all. They’re just deflecting from their own deeply boring  or sad life. You can choose whether to let them know you’re more than just that, or you can offer them a hug. It’s probably something they’re desperately needing. Social distancing seems to have made people worse, so that’s just a guess. 🤷‍♀️

Be kind to each other out there.

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When people get angry about being told to be careful…

When we travel, we read travel guides, we look at media bulletins, and heed the advice of locals about what areas are safe, and what places we should avoid at night.

We protect our belongings, we don’t walk alone at night, and we watch for pickpockets and bad guys.

When people are attacked in places like Mexico, or even London, people’s reactions are to assume they were in a sketchy area, and they shouldn’t have been out there alone.

Other people wonder why they didn’t know that a place was dangerous, or that they should have taken precautions.

Some people are just naive, and can’t believe people would be abducted and murdered in a place like Mexico. They only look at Instagram, and don’t realize there’s a full blown narco-war going on, and more people are murdered there per day than the Middle East. They think violence won’t happen to them. They’re just there to drink and take pictures. On the other hand, so many Aussie’s won’t travel to America for fear of violence.

Now, Australia, and particularly Melbourne, like to think they’re world class cities.

They have culture, and coffee, and tourists.

So why do they think they’re exempt from all the problems that other world class cities have?

They know they don’t. Australians know that there’s a problem with crime against women. They know that the judicial system is pathetic, and judges keep releasing men who are a danger to women and children.

Why then, do women get so pissed off when they’re told that they need to be careful?

Yes, I understand that women shouldn’t have to shoulder the burden, but the fact is, the best person to take care of you, is you.

When you travel, you know that. You take all the precautions. You don’t get offended when the guide book tell you that. So why do you get so outraged when you’re told to do it at home?

Do you get upset when someone tells you the best way to avoid the measles currently going around is to get a vaccine? Or do you know that taking the responsibility of protecting yourself is up to you, and in your best interests?

It’s the same as violence.

You don’t have a team protecting you 24/7. The police aren’t always around. We know judges aren’t giving effective sentencing. We can’t even always rely on our friends to give us a ride home, or walk with us. That would be great, and we should watch out for each other more, but there’s times the only person you can rely on is you, and you shouldn’t get offended by that.

So take a self defense class. More importantly, be prepared to fight back.

We’ve got to stop being passive. Girls are taught to be nice, and gentle, and polite. You can be those things, but not once you’re in a situation where you think you’re in danger. Or even if a guy is just being a jerk. Once someone no longer treats you with respect, you no longer have to be the good girl.

If a guy is being a dick at a bar, tell him to fuck off. If he touches you, say something at the top of your lungs, and slap him away. It’s ok to cause a scene.

If you think you’re being followed, don’t walk through a park or dark alley. Start singing loudly, or call the police. At least have 000 ready to just hit dial.

If Australia would actually let women defend themselves, you could carry a weapon, or at least pepper spray. But they don’t. So improvise. Carry a travel size hair spray, or fly spray, and if someone gets too close, use it. Just spray it in their face, and run. It’ll give you a couple seconds head start.

I don’t buy the BS about not carrying a weapon because it can be used against you. People with bad intentions are going to hurt you anyway. You might as well have something to try defend yourself, or hurt them back.

Women absolutely have to stand up and fight. We have to stand together. We have to defend ourselves. We have to teach our sons so defend us too. Not all men are bad. Many are trying to help us. We need to make sure we’re raising good ones for the next generation too.

Stop being angry when someone tells you to protect yourself. Or funnel that anger into something productive, like a Krav Maga class. Fight for change to the laws. Campaign for tougher sentencing. Find out what items you can carry as self defense. Petition for better items to be made legal.

Stop getting defensive and angry at people telling you to defend yourself, and start getting angry at the system, by defending yourself.

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Perception of safety

Is Australia really that safe?

It’s funny how perception and reality can be two completely different things.

People perceive Israel to be this dangerous place, where you’re minutes from being struck by a bomb, and Australia to be this laid back beach paradise where everyone smiles and says no worries.

Reality though, as we see this week, is that our perceptions may be way off.

I have been to Israel three times. My husband works for an Israeli company, and he goes for a week at a time, and while he works, I go explore. I spend all day and some evenings wandering around, walking miles at a time. I’ve never been anywhere where I felt so safe to walk all over, or catch transport, or walk to a restaurant at night by myself. I love going back each time because I know I’m free to just relax and not worry about my safety.

Continue reading “Perception of safety”

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Try making an informed comment

The reaction to my reaction of Bert Newton’s Speech

So this week I made a short YouTube video talking about the hoopla that occurred after Bert Newton’s Logies speech.

We all know Bert is old as dirt, and the Logie’s love to trot him out every year, which is fine. Bert is Bert, and we all know that.

But while Bert has kept the same jokes year after year, living in his little bubble, society around him has changed. Some of his dad jokes aren’t considered PC anymore, and social media lit up after his speech.

I found it interesting that more people were offended by him calling himself a “poof” than they were about his suggestion that his peers were “mentoring” behind locked doors. Looking around, it didn’t seem like any gay people were offended by him calling himself a poof, it was all the other SJWs who were offended on their behalf.

I had no beef with his calling himself a poof. Maybe he identifies as gay, or bi-sexual. Whatever.

I was more interested in people’s reaction to his comments about the “mentoring” which could be seen as inappropriate, on two levels.

Firstly, because you’re insinuating that your co-worker may have been dabbling in some sexual activities in the work place. Whether people think it’s consensual or not, when someone who is in a position of power offers to mentor someone, sexual activity is frowned upon. There’s a power balance there. Some people may have been mega fans and wanted to engage in sexual behavior, others might feel compelled to engage in sex acts. If we haven’t learned anything from Weinstein about power imbalances, then at least look to the military and see how they have policies about fraternization.

The second issue is making a suggestion like that about somebody who isn’t alive anymore to defend themselves. Maybe Kennedy would find it funny, maybe he wouldn’t.

But after my video went up, Peter Ford posted a part of it on The Morning Show and the Daily Edition. They only played a very small snippet, the part where I state that I am in no way whatsoever implying that Bert, Graham or Done Lane have ever done anything wrong in the past, but that I didn’t think it was a funny joke, and I didn’t think the reactions on social media were great. There was lots of people taking a stab at anyone who had said something negative about Bert’s speech, telling them to lighten up, get over it, or that they had no sense of humor.

It was then hilarious when I woke up and I had a bunch of people who had found my FaceBook page who decided to comment that I should leave Bert alone, mind my own business, and one peculiar comment, that my pink hat offended them….

So basically these people proved my point that they hate anyone who tries to stand up for victims of abuse, and worse, they can’t even have polite discussions or make a comment without going straight for a “fuck you” with no logical thoughts.

I always laugh when these people scream that they’re entitled to their opinions, while simultaneously telling me I’m not entitled to one.

So here’s the thing. I love discussion. I love debating. I love to hear other people’s opinions and stories, and exchanging ideas. It’s how we learn. I think the world would be an incredibly boring place if we all had the same opinion on everything.

But, if you want to comment, at least make an informed comment. Try actually watching the video before you run your mouth, or start screaming profanities. Otherwise, you just come off as an uneducated idiot, and nobody is going to take anything you say seriously.

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A Moment of thanks.

I’d like to thank the woman who called me a “failed actress” today.

You’re right. I am “un-Australian” and no, I don’t always love  Australia, or Aussie’s, or the group that you’re in.

Yes, I was a child actor. No, I don’t act anymore.

Maybe you missed it, but I left the highest rating sitcom in the country of my own choice.

You see, the lead actor was a pedophile, and I got tired of him. I also got tired of working in an industry where people knew what was happening, but decided they were OK with it, because hey, it’s TV, and it’s fine. Let the kid get molested as long as we keep getting our cheque.

So I left. The few times I tried to speak up, I was shut down. I was threatened especially by those in the industry.

Years later, I was asked to speak up about it. I didn’t want to, because I was now living happily in the US, away from people in the industry, and where I could work any job I wanted without someone pointing out that I “used to be an actress.”

But I did. I spoke up. Then I spent four years having people in Australia tell me I was a has been, a wanna be, an attention seeker, or making it up to be famous again.

I got death threats, I got constantly harassed, but in the end, it was worth it, because it turns out that guy molested 18 girls that the police knew of.

Meanwhile, I had joined a charity in the US that works to make sure no kid goes through what I did. I wrote a best selling book, that literally hundreds of people have messaged me to tell them about how much it helped them on their own journey.

My case is now used as a reference and set an important precedent.

I had actors in the US tell me they were following my story in Australia, and people were watching to see how it went. You’ll notice the #metoo movement started after Robert lost his high court appeal.

So yeah, you go ahead and call me a “failed actress”.

But I’d still like to thank you for reminding me why I don’t get homesick, and why I don’t go out of my way to hang out with other Aussie’s here in the US.  It’s beautiful outside, and I was spending too much time on FB. That group was giving nothing back to me, it wasn’t helping me grow as a person, and it was cutting into the time I could have been doing something productive. (Like changing laws) It’s sad how superior some people feel, and when they bring their tall poppy syndrome with them.

So you can sit in there an listen to a bunch of unhappy people complain about the bread, the people, and ask the same three questions over and over.

I’ll be sun baking on the deck of my yacht, which I bought with the money I got from being such a failure…

 

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We got a boat!

Life on the Water

As some of you know, Matt and I have spent the last couple of years in an RV. (A caravan for the Aussie’s) We’ve had them for years. We had a Class C when Matt was travelling full time. We sold that, and then when I took a post on the Texas border with the guard, I got myself a cute airstream. When Matt joined me, we got a toy hauler, which we then traded in for a 5th wheel. We then moved to Florida, and spent a year in the RV. Then one day, I looked at Matt, and asked how he would feel about living on a boat.

I figured I’d have to talk about boats for a couple years before he warmed to it, but all he said was “sounds expensive, show me it’s doable” so I showed him numbers, and it turned out a boat slip in Florida was pretty comparable to an RV slip. So we started looking.

After a few months, we found our girl. So we went from this to this.

The 5th wheel and my veggie garden.
The 5th wheel and my veggie garden.

No gard
No garden, but lots of fish!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’ve been aboard about 3 months now, and it’s awesome! There’s this constant gentle rocking, that can put you to sleep in you’re not careful. There’s always a beautiful view. We get new neighbors all the time. There’s dolphins swimming around the marina every couple of days. It truly is the best move we’ve made.

I made a little video tour so you can all see the inside. Hope you enjoy it.

She’s a 2007 Meridian 411, with twin cummings diesel engines. She’s 41 ft long, (46 LOA) 14’2″ ft wide, and has a 3’9″ draft. Two staterooms, one full bath, one wet bath.

We haven’t had the name put on the back yet, but it’s “No Kids”. That’s not only why we can afford her, but it’s also the rule….

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Trump Won. Now What?

So last night was the US election, and this morning, you’d think that the world was about to end. On my facebook feed, there was a never ending stream of The Sky is Falling! and other such scaremongering.

Yes, Trump won. People had to know this was a possibility. I mean, he was on the ballot. The other choices were Hillary, Johnson, or as many people chose to ignore, another woman, Jill Stein. Let me start with that. There are a bunch of people crying about how we hit a glass ceiling, and how the world has gone backwards, because a man won the election. They made it sound like Hillary was the first women to ever run as a head of state. Never mind that there has already been 26 nations that have already had a woman run a country, people ignored that there was another woman on the ballot. Nobody cares that she lost. Then again, it seems nobody cared she was on there in the first place. I think a lot of people only voted for Hillary because she owned a vagina, which I think is a terrible reason to vote for someone. Vote for them based on their policies, or their record, not because of what’s in their underpants. Hillary didn’t lose because she’s a woman, she lost because people didn’t want another four years of the same thing.

Trump isn’t a true Republican, and he’s not a Democrat. I’m not really sure what he is politically. He’s a businessman who was also a reality star. He offered the people something different. Lots of people weren’t in love with what he was offering, but Americans truly believe that voting third party is a complete waste, and so while Gary Johnson had some good ideas, he really didn’t stand a chance. Much like we all loved Ron Paul back in the day. It just wasn’t going to happen.

So this morning I watched my friends lose their collective shit, crying over how they’re going to lose their healthcare, or get deported, or having their same sex marriages annulled, and I want to tell everyone to take a deep breathe, and relax.

Think back to every other election you’ve lived through, and especially since the advent of social media. Every single time, half the country loses their minds, crying it’s armageddon, that the economy will fail, that they’ll lose their rights, basically that their life is over. Then, a couple years later, those same people are complaining that the elected official hasn’t fulfilled any of their campaign promises, and that nothing is being done.

Presidents are figure heads. They can make executive orders, but they can also be struck down. Nobody walks into office and within a couple years has done all they said they would. That’s why you have the senate. There’s balance. Trump isn’t going to walk into office in January and annul your marriage, or take away your right to birth control. He has said he’ll make changes to Obamacare, but he hasn’t said what those changes are, so before you cry that you’re going to lose your healthcare, maybe wait and see what he’s actually trying to do, and then if what he wants will even pass congress, and then access your options. Who knows, since about the only thing I’ve heard him say about healthcare is that he’s going to make it tax deductible, it might actually be better for those self employed people who have to purchase their own and don’t get it through an employer. The thing is, we don’t know, so don’t give yourself an ulcer over it. Premiums already went up a ridiculous amount before he was elected, so you can’t blame that on him. I also highly doubt that insurers are going to go back to denying people with pre-existing conditions. If your insurer does, find another one who doesn’t.

As to the posts about foreigners feeling scared to be here in the US now, I haven’t met a single foreigner in real life who actually feels that way. I’m a foreigner myself, and I have plenty of other expat friends. (and no, they’re not all anglo.) We’ve all concluded that as long as you’re here legally, there’s absolutely no reason to be freaking out. Trump isn’t going to deport people here legally. I’m not sure why people think he hates foreigners, I mean, his wife is one. Is he going to start with her? No. Probably not. Will he get tough on people who are here illegally? Maybe. Do I think that’s a bad thing? Well, I spent three years working on a border program. I spent three years watching cameras, processing reports, analyzing data on the drugs, money, people and weapons that went back and forth. I saw Border Patrol agents who had a harder and harder time doing their job. I have a completely different perspective than most civilians. There’s a reason the USBP endorsed Donald. I do think that legitimate refugees have a place in society. I don’t think that paying a coyote to smuggle you across a border from a country that has no problems entitles you to live here when so many of us went through the legal process just fine. Basically, as long as your papers are in order, you’re fine. No different from the last guy.

I’m not scared of WWIII breaking out. I was actually more scared of the never ending war we could have endured if Clinton had won. She was very pro-war, and anti Russia. I don’t have a problem with a guy who actually wants to be friends with other heads of state, and who isn’t interested in another Cold War. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Trump will start shit, but I’ll worry about that if and when it happens.

Maybe it’s just that I’ve spent the last couple of years really trying to teach myself to breathe and be calm and not get hysterical over every little tweet or FB post, or cause du jour, that I can sit back and watch this calmy. Maybe I prefer to take a moment and see the bigger picture, or let shit play out before I get my panties in a wad, but I really think people are way overreacting.

Don’t let crying celebrities and the 24/7 news media let you get all worked up.

Trump will be sworn in, and just like every other President, anything he tries to do will be blocked in the senate. It will be years before he can realistically achieve anything. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

orange-new-black

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Hollywood Body Dismorphia

The obsession with women’s figures

I’m so glad I’m no longer in the spotlight. I enjoy eating, and I don’t center my life around the gym. I’m not fat, but I’m no supermodel either. Even though I fluctuate between a US size 4 and 6, by Hollywood standards, I’d be obese. I would be fat shamed, ala Selena Gomez, who dared to put on a couple of pounds. Something most women do. Especially when they’re on vacation, or heaven forbid, get past the age of 18.

selena-gomez-bikini-before-after
Taken from a site body shaming Selena by showing her weight gain.

All over the news lately I’ve seen unflattering pics of Selena. Yes, she gained a few pounds, but I certainly don’t consider her fat. She’s just lost tone. But the media will tear her apart for “getting fat” and letting herself go.

Most actresses and singers who became famous as pre-teens go through it at some stage. Britney Spears was body shamed when she had a couple of kids, and didn’t immediately go back to being a size 2.

normal_Britney Spears
Apparently Britney was very fat here. I think most women would be happy to look like this.

Others simply changed shape, as most females do when they get older. It’s called puberty. Your body changes. You don’t stay stick thin forever. You develop curves. Not everyone does it gracefully.

On the other end of the body dysmorphia scale, you’ve got a bunch of clearly obese actresses, which the media chooses to label as “curvy.”

Melissa-McCarthy-and-Rebel-Wilson_Plus-Model-Magazine
Hollywood’s definition of “curvy”

Everywhere you look, the media is describing women like Melissa McCarthy and Rebel Wilson as “curvy” instead of calling them fat. The word FAT is only used to describe women who used to be skinny, and have gained 10lbs. Women who are morbidly obese aren’t allowed to be called that, and are defined as curvy. I don’t get it.

Curvy means you have curves. As in, you have boobs, butt and a defined waist. Think hour glass.

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Sophia Vergara is the traditional definition of curvy

Sofia Vergara is curvy. Marilyn Monroe was curvy. Jessica Rabbit was curvy. Rebel Wilson is NOT curvy. Of course, all the classically curvy women can be labeled as curvy, skinny or fat, depending on whether the editor feels like praising or shaming them.

nicole-richie-weight-fluctuations-pp-sl1
Poor Nicole Richie. She can never win. She’s always either too fat or too thin, according to the media.

This may come off as fat shaming, but it’s not meant to be. I just think that we should call a spade a spade. Stop calling obese women curvy, and stop calling thin women fat. Don’t fat shame  girls taking some down time while you’re praising much bigger women.

It’s no wonder so many young girls have body dysmorphia. The media is constantly bombarding women with conflicting standards of what’s acceptable weight. When really, a person’s weight shouldn’t be anybody else’s business but their own. If you wanna be fat, be fat. If you wanna be a gym junkie, and love working out, then go for it. If you wanna be a normal looking girl, who enjoys hiking, and also some french fries, then do that. As long as you’re happy with how you look, then it shouldn’t matter what TMZ or Vogue thinks. We should be talking about these people’s talents, NOT their looks.

But, if you’re going to discuss their weight, then at least be real about it.

 

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An Open Secret

An Open Secret finally to be screened.

Director Amy Berg made a documentary about a subject that nobody in the entertainment industry wants you to see.

You can see more about the movie at the official An Open Secret site here.

The movie had trouble finding distribution initially. Nobody in Hollywood wants this exposed. Even though everyone knows about the casting couch, people like to pretend that it’s just young starlets who are willing to sleep with a producer to get a part. Nobody wants to admit that it goes much deeper. That very young children are being abused. That young boys are being abused.

It’s important that people see there’s more to Hollywood than red carpets and award ceremonies. It’s great that someone went ahead and made a film that exposes some of the darker truths of the industry.

A concern though is whether the boys in the movie are prepared for the release. Yes, they spoke publicly, they agreed to make a movie, but are they ready for the backlash? The scrutiny? The doubters and trolls? The death threats?

I know first hand what it’s like to go through a very public accusation. I know the doubt, the threats, the victim blaming first hand. It’s hard. Harder than I could ever have imagined. Thankfully, I found a support network a couple years in, with A Minor Consideration. 

We’d really like to make sure the boys in An Open Secret know that we’re all there for them. They can contact us anytime.

AMC is there for ALL kids in the industry, past or present. If you need help, if you need someone to talk to, contact AMC.

 

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The Emporer’s new dress

Naked is the not so new black

So everyone is just in awe of Beyonce being almost naked on the red carpet at the Met Gala, in her mosquito net with sequins attached in just the right places.

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Beyonce at the Met Gala 2015

I get it. She has an amazing body, and wants to show it off. With two other people there in nearly identical nude dresses, I wouldn’t really say that she’s doing anything that amazing. Even bigger LOLs at the peeps who are trying to claim that Kim Kardashian ripped off her look. It’s kind of hard to rip off someone’s look, when you’re at the same event.

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Kim K and JLo in matching sheer booties

originality
Even more amusing, is all the haters trolling Jelena Karleusa. All of Bey’s fans are directing hate at the Serbian singer, because apparently since people in America are unfamiliar with her work, she is “a nobody” and that people in the US would never copy her. Actually, if you were a big star in the US, and were going to copy anyone’s style, it would be smart to pick a sassy singer from overseas who none of your own fans had heard of.

 

Beyonce’s dress already has comparisons. The bride to be in Coming to America, and Left Eye Lopez from TLC.

Coming to America
Coming to America

left eye
Left Eye

The sheer dress trend, or as I like to think of it, The Emperor’s New Red Carpet dress, is hardly new and groundbreaking. It’s been done so many times, it’s actually quite boring to me. Cher has been doing the naked sequin look forever.

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Cher, way back in 1988

Think Rihanna was risque when she did the nearly naked dress on the red carpet? Nope.

Cher showed off her nipples way before Rihanna
Cher showed off her nipples way before Rihanna

Now, Jennifer Lopez has been almost naked on the red carpet more times than in actual opaque fabric.  Here’s just a few of her outfits.

Then there’s all these people. Some, like Natalie Portman or Nicole Kidman that you wouldn’t expect to see if sheer outfits. Some are more tasteful than others….

It seems the only real difference to whether people approve of your outfit is whether the commentators over at Fashion Police like you or not. It always amazes me that a dress on one person could be seen as “Fashion Forward” while if another celebrity wore the same thing, they’d be fined for looking like an idiot.
Case in point, Sarah Jessica Parker. If anyone else turned up in this headgear, people would be rolling on the floor with laughter. Somehow, no matter what SJP wears, it’s “just amazing“. Ugh. Sorry, I’ve never been a fan of her style. I guess at least she tried to go with the Chinese theme, which is more than can be said for any of the sheer outfits.

sarah-jessica-parkersjp-hat

Maybe there’s a mosquito problem on the red carpet, and that’s why they’re all wearing this long sheer mosquito netting stuff. I get that these women spend hours hitting the gym, and are proud of their bodies, but, why can’t we just like you because you can sing, or dance, or act? Can’t we just respect you for your talent, without expecting you to be nearly naked on the red carpet?

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