You know how most people don’t like their in-laws?

Thankfully, I do not have this problem. Growing up in Oz, I had 11 cousins on my Dad’s side. I don’t know how many are on my Mum’s side. She doesn’t like her family, so we really didn’t get to know them. I only knew her parents because we would go stay with them and they used to babysit me a lot. I knew she had a sister that died when she was a kid, and an older brother. I found out recently that there was in fact 2 older brothers…. The only other person on her side that I ever talked to was my cousin Allan. I always liked him, but Mum didn’t like us talking to anyone from her family, so we didn’t see him much. She hates her family so much, she didn’t even go to her own dad’s funeral…

Dad was one of 3. He was the youngest. His oldest brother had 5 kids and his sister had 4. We spent most holidays together. My aunt had a pool and so Christmas was usually at her house so we could all splash around. I remember getting together for Xmas and Easter but not many other holidays. My brother is 6 years older than me. I love him with all my heart, but we’re really not that close. I am the baby of all the cousins. Like everyone, I have my favourites. (That’s you Matthew and Julie!) However, I’ve lived here for 10 years now, and not a single relative has visited me. I bet if I lived in Hawaii, LA nor NYC, I’d be swamped with visiting relatives. I do have one Aunt who does write me nice cards and emails me. Thanks Aunty Helen. I love getting mail from you. Otherwise, I get left out of the loop. A few years ago, someone had mentioned my uncle was sick. I was one the phone home and I asked about him. Turns out he had died about 4 months earlier and nobody bothered to tell me…. I had to tell my Mum she couldn’t email me when someone died, she had to pick up the phone and call… We all have Skype. They still don’t keep me in the loop.

Matt has a large family. His dad is one of NINE kids. So when we get together for holidays, it’s HUGE and they get together for every hallmark holiday. I first met them all at his family reunion. There was about 50 people there for me to meet all at once. Matt’s an only child, and his cousins are a few years younger or older, so there’s really not anyone right around his age he grew up with. He always preferred hanging out with the adults. They like to bicker amongst each other and play favourites. It’s quite amusing. His grandpa was a sailor in WWII and is one of the sweetest people ever. His grandma was a nurse. It’s like an old Hollywood movie.

The only thing I didn’t like about all the get togethers is that they are all huggers. They want to hug you when you walk in, they’ll hug you again when you leave. They may not seem like a big deal, but when there’s 40 people in a room, and they all want to hug you, it gets a bit much, especially when you’re not a hugger. I’m fairly big on my personal space. I don’t mind kissing someone on the cheek. I’ll gladly shake your hand. But I really don’t like to hug people. I’ve gotten used to it, and I’ll hug a close friend. But to have to walk around a large room and hug everyone is just silly. I almost had them trained to just shake my hand, but there’s one uncle who insists on grabbing that extended hand, pulling me in and bear hugging me. There’s one other foreign in-law. An Aunt from France. She’s not a hugger either. One day, they were talking about her behind her back, bitching about how she didn’t like to hug. That’s when I just let it out that I didn’t like to hug them either. They all looked at me like I was crazy. Oh well. At least I’m honest about it.

We used to hang out with them more, but lately, we’re taking them in smaller doses. Several of the Aunts have been mean to Matt’s mum, so we’re boycotting them. I’ve just learnt to accept their bickering and find amusement in it. Since his head injury, Matt’s not so tolerant. Funny how just as I get over the hugging, he says we don’t have to go anymore….

We do hang out with Matt’s parents a lot. I’d say we eat with them at least once a week. I’m not sure how to describe them. His Mom is a cross between Leave it to Beaver and the Mom on That’s 70’s show. She’s super nurturing and I don’t think I’ve ever heard a bad word come out of her mouth about anybody. So it was highly amusing the other day when they came over to dinner at our house and she saw the cookbook out on the table. Matt had wanted to see the recipe for potato salad which was in the book. But when she saw the title, she questioned it. It was the Australian Women’s Weekly Beginners Cookbook. Now, bear in mind, I had just cooked a roast duck. I’ve worked in restaurant kitchens for years, including some 5 star restaurants. I make killer dishes for the family get-togethers. So, she looks down, and ever so sweetly confused, says, “Why do YOU have a beginners cookbook?” I explain that I had asked my mother for a cookbook one year, with Australian recipes in it. Now, she gets even more confused. “Why would your mother buy you a beginners cookbook?” At this point, you can see that slight shake of the head, with that does that person know this girl at all? look. It was highly amusing. Matt had to explain that a lot of the recipes that I was looking for were in that book, but I was however happy that my mother in law recognized that I was in no way a “beginner” cook and had no qualms in saying so. Truthfully, I had been slightly thrown when my mother gave me the beginners book. For some reason, she thinks my brother is a gourmet chef and I just make crap food. I think my mother in law knows and loves me way more than my mother back in Oz. I’m grateful every day that I lucked out and got such a great MIL. So many people have horror stories about their MIL. I love mine dearly and we hang out even when Matt’s out of town on business.

So I quite enjoy being over here. Even though sometimes I get sick of having to be the one to cook all the time, I do enjoy that everyone over here loves my food. People always ask what I’m going to be bringing. Our friends ask when we’re doing another party, since I always cook. My Aussie friends always ask me to make meat pies and sausage rolls. After our friends go hunting, they bring me the deer to butcher, and then I make some great backstrap for us all.

Sometimes I wish I could see my relatives in Oz more often, but after 10 years here and having made the trip home several times and nobody coming here, I’ve gotten happy with the idea that at least over here people like me for who I am.  Who I really am, now. Not who I used to be, or who people perceive me to be. They don’t know about Hey Dad..! or that I’m some former child star.  My in-laws accept me for being some strange foreigner with weird taste in food who doesn’t like to hug. I accept them as weird Americans who like to be way too into each others business and personal space.  But, the most important thing is that we accept each other. Nobody’s perfect. I know I’m not. I don’t expect others to be. It’s our flaws that make us interesting and endearing to each other.

I just wish some people in my family back in Oz understood that.


Accents and Pronunciation

There’s a bunch of Aussie’s living here in Texas, and we all have varying degrees of Aussie/Texas twang. Some of my mates still sound pretty ocker, while some of us have completely converted to Texan.

I purposely converted when I got here. So may other Aussie’s complained all the time about not being understood. They had to repeat things 3 times before someone knew what they were asking for. To me, it just seemed easier to recognize that it was a different language and speak it. Just like when we go to Mexico, I speak Spanish, in Texas, I speak American. Or Spanish, since it’s almost 50/50 here. After seeing so many people bitch about the fact that I sound American these days, I wondered if I was the only one who had changed their accent. Then, I visited some friends who’ve been here for about 10 years too. Vicki still sounds Aussie, but her 4 daughters who are only a couple years younger than me all sound American. We all have certain words that we still sound Aussie on, but for the most part, we choose to blend in. Just like my step dad in Oz, who’s a Kiwi and used to say Fush and Chups when we first met him, he now sounds like an Aussie. For the most part, when all the Aussie’s get together, we convert back to Ocker and use Aussie slang. We head back out with Texans, we convert back to Y’all and Fixing to. Instead of complaining that people don’t understand me, and therefor getting homesick, I just fit in and feel at home here.

For the most part, people here think I have a slight accent, and assume I’m from Boston. Especially if I’ve been drinking… Ever seen “Good Will Hunting”? Southies from Boston have long A’s like Aussies, so when we say Park the Car or ask for a Harp Lager, we sound similar. Apparently it’s not polite to ask someone if they’re a Southie though. That’s like asking someone in Sydney if they’re a Westie.

There’s a few words I still keep Aussie though, like Tomato, Banana and Herbs. I refuse to say erbs, no matter how much I’m chastised about it.

Although lately, a new word has come up that I hadn’t noticed before. NUTELLA. Most Aussie’s say Nuh-tel-lah. But here, people say New-tella or Noo-tel-la. So, I wondered, is this like Rodeo? Where Aussie’s who’ve never been to one say Row-Day-Oh and those who play with bulls say Row-dEE-oh. The Spanish pronunciation is just like the Aussie Row-Day-Oh, or like the street in Beverly Hills. I say it Row-dEE-Oh. Unless I’m shopping on that street in 90210. Then I say it the other way.

So, I decided to look it up. Apparently, both are correct. You can say Nuh-tel-la if you’re like me, and recognize the Nuts in Nutella or you can say Noo-tella if you’re trying to sound Italian…

Well, I’ve successfully wasted a small portion of the morning pondering that, so now I’ll sign off.


Feeling Blonde

dumb blondeWell, I feel like a dill. Yesterday I invited you all to say hi, and I forgot that I had tightened up my settings so people couldn’t send me messages. D’oh.

Well, I’ve changed the settings back so that you can now leave a comment or a question and I’ll answer you. Just a heads up, there are some words flagged to go straight to spam, so if you’re writing to tell me I’m a publicity whore, or money grubbing, etc, it’ll go straight to the trash. There’s a few other choice words in there too….

Anyway, for the rest of you, fell free to message me.


G’day, Hallo, Hola, Ciao, こんにちは, مرحبا

Hello out there!

As I’ve said over on my ShrimpTank blog, one of my favourite plugins on WordPress is the Visitor Maps.

I’m getting a lot of visits from countries I never thought I’d get hits from, so I’d like to say a big Howdy to all of you!

I expected a few Aussie’s and Germans to be visiting, but it’s always interesting to see hits from places like Libya, Mexico and Japan. It also shows how many times someone has visited as well as where they were before coming to my site. So I can see what search they performed or what forum has linked to my site. I know I can do all this with google analytics, (and I do) but the visitor map is much more fun. It’s right there in my dashboard and I can see instantly when I’ve sent out a tweet and it’s bringing people back to my site.

I guess most of the American hits I get on my site are either other Aussie expats or twitter bugs. The Germans all seem to come from Hey Dad..! searches and the Aussie’s are obvious. I can only guess who the 100 hits from Singapore are from…. But who’s the person in Japan who’s visited me almost 200 times and why the sudden interest from Libya? Was Hey Dad..! ever shown there? I remember in one episode we made a reference to Gadafi. “The despot, not the duck.”

Anyway, I’m fascinated by all of you and why you’ve chosen to spend a couple of minutes checking me out. So leave me a message. Ask me a question. Just say hi!

Don’t just cyberstalk me, feel free to communicate with me. As long as it’s not about the case, which I can’t comment on for legal reasons, I’ll talk back. I’ll answer your questions. Whether you want to know about the weather in Texas or my favourite dessert, just ask!


I’m Points Obsessed

I am obsessed with Airline miles.

I can admit it. I’m an AAdvantage junkie. It’s such a long way to Australia, that I’m still hoping to be able to get enough points to fly at least one trip in First Class, before Qantas does away with it altogether. As a kid I remember flying First Class on Ansett on a Logies trip, but I’ve never flown First on a long haul International flight. Hell, I’ve never even flown Business. Well, once on  Korean flight they bumped me up to a business seat, (I had given up my seat to a family) but it was the last row and they gave me economy food and service.

I fly with American Airlines specifically because they codeshare with Qantas. I’ve flown other airlines, sure, but when I’m headed home, there’s nothing like getting on that Jumbo and getting a Bundaberg Ginger Beer straight away, without waiting 14 hrs… Hearing the Aussie accent is a definite bonus too.

I do everything to accumulate points. I have a Citi AAdvantage Card, I eat at restaurants that give AA points for eating there. I use hotels that will give me AA points. I try to book everything through the AA site so I get extra points.

If I fly home, I try to get a class of ticket that actually gets me points. I was furious when I flew home for “Where are they Now?” and I was booked into O class and didn’t earn ANY miles at all! I was trying to do the secretive AA Gold Challenge and I didn’t get any miles. When I flew home in March, I was again in a super cheap economy seat. But, at least I earnt some miles. Somehow, my husband who flew out after me, and then sat next to me on the way home earned twice as many points as I did. I was peeved that we earned different amounts when we both our arses hurt equally after 15 hrs.

So you can imagine my elation when I received an email this morning from AAmerican, telling me about their new browser that will give me 500 points for downloading it and then I can earn miles just for searching. It will tell me if a site I am on will earn me points for shopping there and show me exclusive offers.

Now, I’m wary of toolbars. I have enough crap on my mac already. I wondered if it would even work on my mac, since their dealfinder wasn’t compatible. But, I figured I’d give it a try…

So, I downloaded the toolbar and started playing with it. I had to hide my other toolbars, like my SEO for firefox, otherwise I had way too much space taken up, but here’s what it looks like.

It’s powered by Yahoo! and I normally use Google, so that may take a little getting used to.

However, since my email inbox also had an offer from Victoria’s Secret, I thought I’d check it out. I saw the tool bar changed from a red $ saying not earning to a green $ earning miles and a pull down showed I would get 2 miles for each dollar spent. Awesome!

I know it sounds silly to be so excited over a toolbar, but if this can get me the points I need to fly with a little bit of luxury when I come home for White Balloon Day in September, then so be it. It’s a ridiculously long travel time from San Antonio to Sydney. The quickest I’ve ever done it was in 26 hours. That’s ONE way. So if I can stretch out and get some sleep on that long flight, then I’m all about getting points any way I can!


Texas Beaches

Most people don’t really think of the beach when they think of Texas, but this state actually has a huge coastline. It takes about 8 hours to drive all of it.

Texas Coastline. The closest beach to our house in San Antonio is about 2 1/2hrs south at Corpus Christi, and another half hour out to Port Aransas on Mustang Island. If we want to go to a really nice beach, we make the 6 hr drive down to South Padre Island, near Brownsville and the Mexican Border.

I was hoping that this year we’d get to lots of diving in the Gulf. There’s quite a few spots that are world known. The Texas Flower Gardens National Marine Sanctuary, the oil rigs, the Matagorda Island Liberty Ship Reef and Seven and One Half Fathom Reef are just a few of the places to go diving in the gulf. Whether you want to see coral, fish, hammerhead sharks or do some wreck diving, Texas has it all. It’s just starting to get warm over here. I’m a wimp about cold weather diving, so I was excited about the warm temperatures coming along. Now, however, I’m not sure we’ll get to do any diving in the gulf this year. The oil disaster is just growing by the day. Right now, it’s headed towards Florida, which is devastating for them. However, all we need is one eddy to spin off, or for the Hurricanes to start, and who knows where the oil will end up.

Matt and I went to Corpus Christi with the Jeep club this weekend. We thought about not going, but we thought we’d better enjoy the beach while we could. The water was beautiful and clear and almost body temperature. It was choppy, but it’s so shallow for so far out, it’s not too dangerous. It’s turtle season, so the turtle patrol was going up and down the beach. Matt actually saw one out in the water as it swam right by him.

So, now David Ulloa, my other dive buddy and Going Down partner and I are trying to work out how we can best help with the civilian volunteer clean up effort in the gulf. David moved to Florida last year, so right now, it’s headed towards him. He’s from Texas, so either way, it’s also going to have a personal impact on him. Matt and I are looking at how fast it’s moving, and are preparing to head to Florida if it hits there first. There’s some great civilian volunteer efforts going on. From hairdressers donating all their clippings which get made into booms, to people donating their boats which are taken out to scoop up the crud.

The biggest problem is how toxic the oil is. You can’t just go out there and get dirty. It’s extremely poisonous. You need hazmat suits, special equipment and all that jazz. It’s crazy how something that so many people are so dependent on can do so much damage.

So, right now, David and I are watching and waiting for the best opportunity for us to pitch in and help without getting in the way. I’m hoping that they can get a cap on the thing before it gets too much worse. People are already being affected. Fishermen, diving groups, people who live on the shores in Mississippi. We’re so used to getting our oysters, shrimp and fish from the Gulf, but now they’re not all safe to eat. Divers can’t go to certain areas anymore, incase they come into contact with the oil. Oil rig diving is huge here. I’m guessing that may get canceled for a while….

I guess all we can do for now is hope they get the leak stopped and that we can all pitch in and help with the cleanup. I know I’ll be there, trying to save some manatees!


Stupid Weatherman

I’d like to be a weatherman. Seriously, what other job can you be wrong at least 50% of the time and not get fired?

The morning, Matt asked me to help him take the hard top off his jeep. We had discussed it the night before and I told him to check the weather, because I thought it was going to rain. We looked, no rain in sight on the forecast. Watched the local news. No rain.

So this morning, we pull the roof off, which was much heavier than I expected. While trying not to damage my fingers while laying down on the floor, I pulled them out quickly and instead dropped it on my big toe. The toe which was already blistered from wearing pretty shoes yesterday. So, I now also have a purple bruise under my nail. Anywho, Matt drives off all content with his topless jeep.

zoom zoom

I do a quick workout, get dressed, eat breakfast, yadda, yadda, yadda, and head out the the miata, which has the roof down. I look at the sky, think, it looks like rain. In San Antonio however, it’s common to look like rain, but it burns off. Just in case though, I pull out the trusty iPhone, check the weather again. Still no rain forecast. So I hop in, drive to work. Halfway there, my windscreen gets spotty. Hmmm, could that be rain, or just the guy in front of me cleaning his windshield and I’m getting residual water spots? Then, more spots. Even more spots. Damnit, it’s raining! Which, is fine on the highway, cause I’m going fast enough to not really get wet. Until I pull off the highway and sit at the lights…. Thankfully, it was just a light rain, and I won’t melt.

So I pull into the office, try to get the stupid roof up, which always sticks when it’s raining…Of course, now as I sit at my desk, looking out the window, it’s stopped raining again.

But really, how hard is it to tell me it’s raining on the other side of town? San Antonio is not that big. Next time, I’ll stick to my own judgment, and ignore the weather guy.


Lindsay Lohan

Many people wonder what’s wrong with Lindsay Lohan?

This week, she has been declared as “unbankable” and fired from her next production. She looks like a train wreck. She looks like she’s going to end up like so many other former child stars, and we’ll get a headline saying she has overdosed on crack.

I feel sorry for Lindsay. She was cute as a button when she started out. She was a pretty good actress and apparently fairly decent to work with. Her mother on the other hand, is a total wanna be celebrity and bad stage mother. Remember a few years ago, when you would see pics of Lindsay out clubbing with her mother, while she was still underage? What kind of mother uses her kid to go clubbing? What kind of clubs let an underage Lohan in?

Now that Lindsay is looking all washed up, Dina has moved on to the kid sister. Lindsay is left out in the cold. Nobody is there to take care of her, especially now that she’s not a cash cow anymore.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to be Lindsay right now. Everywhere she goes, there’s people just waiting for her to goof up, so they can splash it all over the internet and celebrity news shows. No matter what she does, it’ll be spun to make her look like a loser. People have no idea what it’s like to be constantly watched and ridiculed. To never be able to just try something and fail, like a normal human. If she gains 5lbs, there will be people talking about her getting fat. Lose the 5lbs, the media will be screaming of an eating disorder. Go out and have fun with your friends, a pap takes a bad pic of you, and you’re branded as being a drunk. She’s really in a no win situation right now.

People should lay off Lindsay. She’s had a crappy upbringing. She tries to keep working, but people just keep knocking her down, which just makes her spiral even further down the depression ladder.

I wish everyone could spend a week being hunted by the media, having people write awful things about you on the internet and being scrutinized by everyone who has access to the media before they ever judge another celebrity again. It’s not all red carpets and exclusive parties. Being famous can make you infamous. It can make you paranoid and crazy.

Next time, instead of judging Lindsay, give her a hug. She probably needs one.

I know I’m probably biased about Lindsay, since I can empathize with growing up in the media, even if I was nowhere near as famous as she is. It might also be because everytime I look at her I am reminded of a young Simone Buchanan back in her Secret Valley days. I used to love that show!

Maybe Lindsay just needs to come and spend some time in Texas, away from all the prying Hollywood eyes. Take a year off and just regroup. Nobody down here cares who you are. That’s why so many celebs keep second houses in San Antonio and Austin. They can be normal humans without ending up on TMZ…


Listening to the Universe around you

Sometimes the universe will send you messages when you need them most.

The last few weeks have been a real struggle for me, and last night I went in for a massage that Matt got me for my birthday. I’m not a very outwardly emotional person. I push it all down deep inside. Which isn’t very good for your health. I was in all kinds of knots, and even after two hours, we didn’t break them all up.  I went home, Matt made me a bubble bath, and all the emotions I had been bottling up came to the surface.

This morning, I used my free drink gift card that Starbucks sent me for my B’day, (Thank You Starbucks!) and got myself a Venti Chai Latte, and then headed across the street to Serendipity. It’s like an outlet for costume jewellery. My Mother in Law gave me a Benjamin for my B’day, so I thought I’d treat myself to something pretty. I got a few really nice pieces, then came in to work. My boss was highly impressed with my bounty, and immediately called his wife to let her know where to go shopping.
Then, like the fortune cookie that seems to make so much sense, I opened up my email to find two very similar themed emails, telling me that everything was going to be OK.
The first one, was from What’s Your Dosha, an Ayurvedic site.

Ayurvedic Psychology

Mental health care is an important aspect of Ayurveda. Everything is connected, mind-body-spirit, so one aspect affects all the others. Ayurveda recommends certain techniques to keep mentally fit so that we can function optimally. Remember that we have the freedom to choose our mental states, so we can practice keeping our minds in good shape.
-Meditation. Meditate regularly. Every day, twice a day, for 20-30 minutes each time.
-Cultivate a constructive mental attitude. Develop optimism, cheerfulness, and the habit of possibility-thinking. Remember that challenges are temporary, so don’t let them get you down.
-Use your powers of intelligence. Pay attention to your intuition, and look for synchronistic events; there are no coincidences. Choose your words with the best of intention, and speak constructively. Act with purpose to support ordered thinking.
-Keep memories in perspective. There is a difference between the information that we garner from memories and the emotions that are attached to those memories. We can access our memories without having to be influenced by feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, or regret. We can allow memories of success to remind us of the goodness of life. We can let memories motivate us to make better choices in the present moment. Live in the moment, and not in the memories.
-Witness your emotional and mental states rather than becoming identified with them. Remember that these states come and go, so focus on thinking rationally and being emotionally balanced and mature.
-Live with purpose. Have intention behind your actions, and develop constructive habits. Focus on what is important, and what is real. Live the knowledge that you learn.

The second one came from my Buddhist Meetup Group.

You Can Choose To Be Happy…

What if I told you that you have the ability to decide if you are happy or not.

You would probably say that I’m crazy. 1. I’m not crazy and 2. Happiness is a choice.
You can’t depend on someone else to make you happy. That is a lesson I learned later on in my marriage. I realized that I couldn’t rely on my wife,  my children, my house or my job  as my source of happiness. I learned that my happiness depended on me and not my wife’s or children’s actions. I learned that you have to choose to be happy.
You can choose your emotions. True happiness comes from within; it can’t be forced by outside forces. So how do you choose happiness? The same away you choose to smile or choose to wear a certain outfit. You choose it because that’s what you want to experience in your life.
You want to buy a new pair of shoes so you choose a pair that you like and feels good. You wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes that you don’t like or that don’t fit well, right? So why do we keep choosing emotions and feelings that don’t make us feel good?
Well most people don’t realize that you can choose feeling happy over feeling angry or upset about something. It’s not wrong to feel angry or upset but dwelling on it (attachment) and letting the anger simmer for too long can have bad results. Choosing to be happy after you realize your anger has shown up (or even choosing to be calm) can be beneficial. You end up acknowledging your anger and moving on instead of harbouring those emotions until there’s a flare up. We choose our feelings; no one can do that for us. If we let others get to us, influence our emotions – we are giving them power over us. When others cause us anger or pain, we are giving them our power.
What about those who irritate us or make us mad? We have the power of choice but most times we react out of anger. Instead of taking a mental time out and knowing that what that person said is about them we unconsciously choose to react. The reaction is usually out of anger or fear. It’s a re-action, not an action.
How do we stop this behavior? We need to keep our feelings in check and not react automatically to what is thrown at us. We need to think our actions out instead of just reacting to what someone says or does. Reacting is responding to someone else’s actions. What we need to do is act on our own accord and not let the actions of others influence us. By doing that we stay conscious of our own thoughts and feelings and not let what others do to us affect our moods.
Remember that we can always choose happiness. At first it will be difficult to just switch your thoughts and feelings from anger, self-doubt, or fear to joy and happiness.
But it is only a thought away. Don’t dwell on what happens to you unnecessarily but realize what is causing you to feel that way. Realize that thoughts, feelings and emotions can change. Then move on and choose to be happy.
That is why I find these words of Buddha so inspiring: “We are what we think, and all that we are rises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. Speak and act with a pure mind and happiness will follow.” If only we were to remember this, keep it in our hearts, and keep our heart and mind pure, then happiness would really follow. The whole of Buddha’s teaching, then, is directed towards taming this mind, and keeping our heart and mind pure.

Just do like the song… don’t worry, be happy!

I thought it was odd that two very different groups sent me an email about choosing my state of mind. I guess the universe is out there talking to you, you just have to listen to it.